Daddy Issues

I, like most young adults, find Disney movies quite fun to watch. Who doesn't love hanging out with a group of friends and singing along to some Disney classics?

This is not to say that all these movies are:
A. accurate regarding the fairy tale/story they allege to represent
B. entirely child-appropriate
C. realistic in portraying healthy relationships between family members/couples

BUT, what can I say....these movies will certainly entertain the pants right off you (ok...probably not the best metaphorical choice to describe a series of child movies). Watching just about any Walt Disney flick is sure to entertain a roomful of children (or college students) for approximately 45 minutes to 2 hours (and some change).

There are a variety of movies to choose from, however, they are all quite formulaic: love, adventure, turmoil, parental problems, villain, fight, happily ever-after. Adorable. However, if you pay even the slightest amount of attention to just about any Disney movie, you will notice that one of the most common components you'll see is the (ever so predictable) "daddy issues" one (or more) of the characters will have. I'm not even kidding...daddy issues. Who'd have thought? Pretty original, right?
I mean, there are only a handful of problems that be filmed, so why come up with anything new? Too much work...duh.

Anyway, to prove my unquestionable point, let's do a brief recap, shall we, of the various daddy issues you'll see (brought to you specially by by Mr. Walt Disney himself).

1. Dead daddy
Ok, I can kind of (no, not relate...my dad's alive and kicking) understand why this daddy issue could screw up a character's life so much. I mean, look at the evidence:
        Simba - blames himself for his father's death, runs away, and lives with two bug-eating shut-ins
        Cinderella - no daddy love...becomes obedient pacifist, victimized by horrible step-relatives
        Alice - she's just weird...her dad's death only promoted her trippy imagination
        Snow White - father's death leaves protagonist defenseless to cruel treatment by psycho step-mom
        Tarzan - c'mon...both parents die and, as a result he becomes a complete animal...pun intended
        Tianna - all work and no play makes her dull...seriously, is that all she remembers about her dad?

2. Deadbeat daddy
Again, I cannot relate, but when a Disney character's dad is out of the picture...well, let's just say there are gonna be some issues...
        Hercules - Zeus? Really? Oh yeah, wait until the kid is old enough to realize he's different before coming out of the "heavenly closet"
        Dumbo - We NEVER see his dad...he had to inherit those freakishly large ears from one parent (you think he would have been around to support his ostracized kid)
        Quasimodo - lives in a bell-tower, hideously deformed...obviously it's cause he didn't have a good father-figure in his life (Frollo...yeah right)
        Andy - plays with toys that are alive, too stupid to ever figure it out...if only his dad had been there
        Bambi - mother dies, he's scarred for life (emotionally), and his dad is the mysterious buck in the background...that's good parenting.

3. "Dumb" daddy
Not to say that all of these characters are right, or that they all think that their own fathers are dumb, but sometimes they sure act like they think their fathers have the IQ of a pickle (not to insult pickles). 
        Pocahontas - Disobeys racist father for love...both are wrong, but what happened to obeying one's parents? She could have married Kocoum and had quite little Indian babies...oh well.
        Ariel - Disobeys father for love/adventure...obviously he has no idea what he's talking about. Oh, what's that? He couldn't hear you over the sound of himself being turned into a sea-weed like slave of an evil sea witch...selfish, soulless red-headed devil girl.
        Belle - Father was actually dumb (I mean, you don't take another man's chair...)
        Jasmine - Father was actually dumb, but that doesn't mean you have to run off with the first lying hobo-thief who saves you from being carted off to prison (who knew that you actually needed money to buy stuff...)
        Mulan - Thinks father is dumb...obviously he should have been put into a home cause he was practically ancient. Ain't no way daddy's going to war...I know! Let's cross-dress instead...
        Wendy - Let's face it...everyone hates Mr. Darling...jealous of a dog? C'mon...maybe she wouldn't have flown away if someone hadn't stated the obvious (that's right, you grow up Wendy...)

Yeah, Disney is original. They are SO original that daddy issues run rampant in many of their films. Now, I will admit, there is some variety to the daddy problems (I mean, they do present 3 entirely distinct ideas...). But, aside from the sarcasm and critique, I don't think these flaws in parental character portrayals should prevent one (young or old) from enjoying the magical experience that is "the Disney movie." In fact, you should go watch one right now. Do it, I'm serious. Go on, what are you still doing here? Just because it's predictable, doesn't mean old (dead) Walt's life work should be considered overrated.