Over this semester, a group of friends at my college (for simplicity's sake, let's call this group "No Shame"...a random totally-non-college affiliated name that sprung from the top of my head just now) found that we enjoyed watching animated movies together. Such movies include the traditional Disney film to the newer, cutting edge Pixar studio flick. What we decided, after a time, is that any movie is more enjoyable if you spend the duration of the film with a character that is "you". I'm not gonna lie, I found this quite fun (and I still do), but I have realized several things from this "animated labeling". For educational purposes, I figured that I should share this with the world (aka...the 20ish people or so who take time from their busy summer days filled with work, chores, and overall laziness to read this blog...hey, no shame friends).
1. My friends are predictable
No Shame (that randomly named group of college pals) is encompassed with a variety of personalities, oddities, and quirks that make this group stand out from the other cliche and boring social circles found on campus. Yes, we are an army of awesome. Literally...an army (on a good day, there's like 27 of us). Anyway, these random crazy people, whom I love, are from all walks of life and make our group extremely diverse. However, that's not the point.
Even in their loud and shameless personalities, they are quite predictable. In movies, we can usually find characters that describe a major quirk that makes each of us...well, us. We have the dramatic theatre guru (usually speaking a monologue and sporting a British accent), the romantic couple (usually mature characters who are obviously gonna get together), a few comedic-relief characters (often because of ill-timing, but guaranteed to make the audience/5 year-olds everywhere wet their pants in glee), and a villain (not gonna lie...again, but this usually has to do with mannerisms and overall appearance). While this is the simplified way in which we cast roles, we also take into account the dynamic of certain friends, bone-structure, blood type, the weather in Fiji, and whether one's socks are white or chartreuse on that particular day. Yes, it's a science.
2. Movies are formulaic
If No Shame is predictable, and yet most of us are the same-ish characters in all of these movie...what does that say about children's films these days? Just saying, I feel like these animated miracles, while wonderful to watch, have children/college student attention spans down to a science. A little comedic relief, a villain, the romantic protagonist couple fated to be together, some random extras, and some mildly funny secondary characters that further the plot along with their occasional 1-sentenced lines. But hey, we don't discriminate, and we watch each movie with that wide-eyed sense of wonder found predominately in 6-8 year-olds...ok, maybe not. But we always have a good time at movie nights.
3. I'm stupid/sometimes a dude
This is more of a personal revelation of mine. In EVERY movie we watch I am comedic relief, or to put it more plainly...I'm that stupid character that you remember because while you were laughing with the other characters, you were laughing at mine. Hey, I'm not ashamed of this. I'm just as predictable as the rest of my friends, which I take to mean that I know them almost as well as myself. So far, I have been expertly cast as a Mexican Chihuahua (kind of redundant putting both of those words there), a hyena that didn't understand the "golden rule" (if you had to ask what rule that is, you too probably can't follow it), an oafish midget (wonder what "LeFou" could possibly mean...), and a pig who's sole purpose is to hold your loose change. Hey, at least I was a chick once, even if that "chick" was Whoppi Goldberg (wait, does that even count?).
4. I take movies personally
After I've been cast in a movie, I often find myself focusing in on my character. While this is to be expected I suppose, I also start taking (usually) his actions personally. Of course I laugh, but it's a split between thinking, "I can't believe I just did that" and "I would do that". What can I say, I get caught-up in how realistic animated movies can be with their life-like toys, talking animals, and well-rehearsed musical selections. Cause what's more realistic than a group of animals breaking out in song? Obviously it's an animated group of talking animals incorporating their own dance number into to film to further the plot along. Duh.
While I have been a bit cynical and sarcastic when watching these movies (I know, pretty out of character for me), I must admit that I absolutely love me some good animation. (If all you took away from that last sentence was my grammar, please note that I did that on purpose you Yankees) I love this group of friends that God has blessed me with this semester. The fact that we can all get together and hang out, doing college-aged appropriate activities like watching children's movies, speaks volumes to our crazy-awesome group dynamic. Where else can you find English (liars), Religion (saved), Nursing (loving), Graphic Design (artsy), Education (patient), History (brilliant), and Computer Science (why would you do that to yourself?) majors enjoying each others company? If you answered a cafeteria, classroom, duck pond, movie theater, Applebee's, beach, or foul-smelling lounge...then you are correct. Basically, (oh gosh, here comes the child-friendly message) hanging out with some wonderful people while enjoying some formulaic children's movies is nothing to scoff at. You scoffers are just jealous, and might I add, simply overrated.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Fat Kid-Free
When I was younger, I used to pray about my future husband (if he existed). I often wondered, "what would he look like" and "have I already met him"? I even prayed that God would show me without a shadow of a doubt who my husband would be when He dropped the guy in my lap. Of course, I was being metaphorical, but after a fat kid fell on me at a hayride...let's just say that prayer was quickly extinguished. Overall, I think that being single is quite a wonderful thing. For instance, if you were in a relationship, these things could become problematic...
1. Accepting chivalry
Yes, I appreciate chivalrous actions. No, I am not a feminist (if you thought that, just skip down to my second point). Let's just say that I appreciate doing things for myself by myself. I am independent...so sue me. Yes, if I ever get in a relationship I'll have to suck this up and deal with it (well, I suppose that depends on the guy), but for now, watch me open my own door and love every second of it.
2. Sexist jokes
One of my personal favorites, and something I do in my free time. Wanna hear a joke? Women's rights. I know, isn't this counter productive? Think about it, could I really be sexist against women? Sure feminists might hate me, but it's great that I'm not in a relationship because I feel like I might be seriously degrading my own gender...especially if that significant other agrees with me. I guess if I stay in the kitchen, where I'm supposed to be, then I wouldn't have to worry about it...
3. Sharing time
I struggle with having enough time for God, keeping up with my meager social life, balancing school work, and reminding my family I still exist. The last thing I need is an extra mouth to feed...oh wait, that's a different argument. Anyway, you get my point. I am not a circus performer, and I make a poor juggler.
4. Being a man-hater
I am personally not a man-hater (at least not all the time), but I find these females quite hilarious and fun to be around. However, when you think about it, it might be a bit difficult to be in a relationship (with a guy...) when you harbor extreme loathing and distaste for his entire gender. Sure, a bit of aversion might be a problem, but how are you supposed to grow together if you have a hatred that could only be compared to a burning passion of a thousand suns.
5. Friend sharing
So you guys have the same friends, great. What happens if you break-up? Wouldn't it be awkward? Lines would be drawn, sides would be taken, and your former love-life could potentially become a shoot-out scene in one of those old western flicks your dad loves. So basically, unless you're 100% sure it could work...don't do it.
6. Bumming it up
Psh, dressing up is overrated. Comfy is lovely...but guys don't always agree with that statement, hence the problem. So on those days when you are just rocking the jammies, sloppy up-do, unwashed face, and mismatched socks...just be grateful that you can wear whatever your hobo-shaped heart desires without grossing out that potential someone.
7. Movie nights
Have you ever seen the guy/girl you like (let' pretend like I'm keeping the genders paired up with their opposite...) eat popcorn in a movie theater? Enough said.
8. Dates
So he pays, you pay, you go Dutch, his choice, your choice, staying in...decisions, decisions. Honestly, being single takes an emotional and financial load off the old wallet (or debit card, whatever you kids are using these days). College is expensive enough without having to be chivalrous with your bank account. So on those days you feel the breath of debt and a zero-balanced bank account breathing down your neck, just be thankful (cough cough, fellas) that you don't have a girlfriend riding shotgun on this downward spiral. (A bit harsh? It's a harsh world)
While some of these items may appear a bit daunting (and pessimistic of me), overall, I don't have any problem with relationships. Have them. Enjoy them. Love them. But, make sure that you are fully committed to the sacrifices and complications that come with them. Be prepared to accept the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sorry, apparently this has turned a bit life-coachy...but hey, no shame right? For now, I will take my seat on this hayride with a fat kid-free lap. (Cause doctor's visits can be so overrated)
1. Accepting chivalry
Yes, I appreciate chivalrous actions. No, I am not a feminist (if you thought that, just skip down to my second point). Let's just say that I appreciate doing things for myself by myself. I am independent...so sue me. Yes, if I ever get in a relationship I'll have to suck this up and deal with it (well, I suppose that depends on the guy), but for now, watch me open my own door and love every second of it.
2. Sexist jokes
One of my personal favorites, and something I do in my free time. Wanna hear a joke? Women's rights. I know, isn't this counter productive? Think about it, could I really be sexist against women? Sure feminists might hate me, but it's great that I'm not in a relationship because I feel like I might be seriously degrading my own gender...especially if that significant other agrees with me. I guess if I stay in the kitchen, where I'm supposed to be, then I wouldn't have to worry about it...
3. Sharing time
I struggle with having enough time for God, keeping up with my meager social life, balancing school work, and reminding my family I still exist. The last thing I need is an extra mouth to feed...oh wait, that's a different argument. Anyway, you get my point. I am not a circus performer, and I make a poor juggler.
4. Being a man-hater
I am personally not a man-hater (at least not all the time), but I find these females quite hilarious and fun to be around. However, when you think about it, it might be a bit difficult to be in a relationship (with a guy...) when you harbor extreme loathing and distaste for his entire gender. Sure, a bit of aversion might be a problem, but how are you supposed to grow together if you have a hatred that could only be compared to a burning passion of a thousand suns.
5. Friend sharing
So you guys have the same friends, great. What happens if you break-up? Wouldn't it be awkward? Lines would be drawn, sides would be taken, and your former love-life could potentially become a shoot-out scene in one of those old western flicks your dad loves. So basically, unless you're 100% sure it could work...don't do it.
6. Bumming it up
Psh, dressing up is overrated. Comfy is lovely...but guys don't always agree with that statement, hence the problem. So on those days when you are just rocking the jammies, sloppy up-do, unwashed face, and mismatched socks...just be grateful that you can wear whatever your hobo-shaped heart desires without grossing out that potential someone.
7. Movie nights
Have you ever seen the guy/girl you like (let' pretend like I'm keeping the genders paired up with their opposite...) eat popcorn in a movie theater? Enough said.
8. Dates
So he pays, you pay, you go Dutch, his choice, your choice, staying in...decisions, decisions. Honestly, being single takes an emotional and financial load off the old wallet (or debit card, whatever you kids are using these days). College is expensive enough without having to be chivalrous with your bank account. So on those days you feel the breath of debt and a zero-balanced bank account breathing down your neck, just be thankful (cough cough, fellas) that you don't have a girlfriend riding shotgun on this downward spiral. (A bit harsh? It's a harsh world)
While some of these items may appear a bit daunting (and pessimistic of me), overall, I don't have any problem with relationships. Have them. Enjoy them. Love them. But, make sure that you are fully committed to the sacrifices and complications that come with them. Be prepared to accept the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sorry, apparently this has turned a bit life-coachy...but hey, no shame right? For now, I will take my seat on this hayride with a fat kid-free lap. (Cause doctor's visits can be so overrated)
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Gene Thief
Have you ever compared yourself to your sibling(s)? Most of us have, it's completely normal. Noticing differences is completely natural (ironically funny in twins, don't you think?). How exactly do we know that the person who came out of the womb before/after you is really your sister/brother? Sure, I suppose you could just blatantly have blind faith in your parents...but what fun is that? But, I digress. I have noticed enough similarities between my sister and I that put my mind at ease. However, as acceptable as this promise of relation...what is NOT acceptable is everything she has robbed me of by simply being born 17 months before me. Why did she get to have first dibs on all the good genes?
1. Artistic inclination
My sister is a an artistic genius. Ok, she's no Picasso, but she is crazy talented. Can I draw? Do stick people count?
2. Clear skin
She has flawless skin. A model-worthy complexion. She might get one pimple a month...while I wage war against a constant bombardment of adolescent facial blemishes. Ok, so I'm no pizza-face...but in comparison with my sister I might as well be.
3. Photogenic-ness
I avert pictures because I didn't get this gene. My sister is amazing in pictures. The camera loves one of us, and it's not my awkward self...enough said.
4. Curves
Without going into too much detail...let's just say my sister is a beautiful woman. I'm stuck in the 'cute' stage.
5. Short legs/long torso
While this sounds a bit odd to ask for, all I have to say is that I have to get super long pants. Her pants on me (normal length) are high waters on me.
6. People-person
My sister is a naturally friendly person. She can go in a crowd of strangers and befriend all of them. Ever since we were little. I was standing behind my dad, hugging his leg like a life preserver and she was out in front...showing love to the masses.
Ok...this being said. What did I wind up with in all of this gene madness? Well, I'm glad you asked...
1.Type 'A' personality
This keeps me organized, scheduled, and motivated to succeed. Whoo-hoo.
2. Humor?
I would like to think of myself as a slightly funny person. Even if no one laughs with me, I love laughing and try to share this joy with others. If only I had the 'people-person' gene...
3. Good hair
Ok, this one used to be just mine...but after my sister started brushing her hair when she was 10, this gene is no longer solely mine to hold.
4. Good grades
She also made the Dean's List this semester. Again...whoo-hoo.
5. Tall
So, I can reach the top shelf...somebody get me a medal. (Please tell me that sarcasm was not wasted...)
Did I mention that she's 5'10?
So, am I unsatisfied? No. I was just merely making a healthy comparison of my sister and I. At the end of the day, while I might occasionally look at her and wish I could snatch some of those genes back...I know they were never mine to begin with. God knew what He was doing when He made us (kinda hard to believe sometimes, I know). I love the genes and qualities that I have (even if I don't always celebrate them). I love my sister to death, and those differences make us interesting and unique. So in the face of diversity within your brotherly/sisterly gene pool, don't be ashamed of the traits you didn't get. You got stuff too. Own it. Work it. And just know, while it's easy to compare, it's never overrated to love and celebrate your own unique awesomeness. (Yeah yeah...this isn't a self-help book. I get it. I'm done, ok? Chill out.) Love you sis.
1. Artistic inclination
My sister is a an artistic genius. Ok, she's no Picasso, but she is crazy talented. Can I draw? Do stick people count?
2. Clear skin
She has flawless skin. A model-worthy complexion. She might get one pimple a month...while I wage war against a constant bombardment of adolescent facial blemishes. Ok, so I'm no pizza-face...but in comparison with my sister I might as well be.
3. Photogenic-ness
I avert pictures because I didn't get this gene. My sister is amazing in pictures. The camera loves one of us, and it's not my awkward self...enough said.
4. Curves
Without going into too much detail...let's just say my sister is a beautiful woman. I'm stuck in the 'cute' stage.
5. Short legs/long torso
While this sounds a bit odd to ask for, all I have to say is that I have to get super long pants. Her pants on me (normal length) are high waters on me.
6. People-person
My sister is a naturally friendly person. She can go in a crowd of strangers and befriend all of them. Ever since we were little. I was standing behind my dad, hugging his leg like a life preserver and she was out in front...showing love to the masses.
Ok...this being said. What did I wind up with in all of this gene madness? Well, I'm glad you asked...
1.Type 'A' personality
This keeps me organized, scheduled, and motivated to succeed. Whoo-hoo.
2. Humor?
I would like to think of myself as a slightly funny person. Even if no one laughs with me, I love laughing and try to share this joy with others. If only I had the 'people-person' gene...
3. Good hair
Ok, this one used to be just mine...but after my sister started brushing her hair when she was 10, this gene is no longer solely mine to hold.
4. Good grades
She also made the Dean's List this semester. Again...whoo-hoo.
5. Tall
So, I can reach the top shelf...somebody get me a medal. (Please tell me that sarcasm was not wasted...)
Did I mention that she's 5'10?
So, am I unsatisfied? No. I was just merely making a healthy comparison of my sister and I. At the end of the day, while I might occasionally look at her and wish I could snatch some of those genes back...I know they were never mine to begin with. God knew what He was doing when He made us (kinda hard to believe sometimes, I know). I love the genes and qualities that I have (even if I don't always celebrate them). I love my sister to death, and those differences make us interesting and unique. So in the face of diversity within your brotherly/sisterly gene pool, don't be ashamed of the traits you didn't get. You got stuff too. Own it. Work it. And just know, while it's easy to compare, it's never overrated to love and celebrate your own unique awesomeness. (Yeah yeah...this isn't a self-help book. I get it. I'm done, ok? Chill out.) Love you sis.
Friday, February 10, 2012
The Language of Cars
So, you're a poor college kid with no car. What to do? Well, legs are pretty snazzy tools for walking...so you decide to use yours to take you across the street. "Why across the street?", you ask. If you go to a small university, such as CSU, then you have a small selection of restaurants, gas stations, and clinics (including the rather large one labeled "Hospital"...the important one with the helipad) to visit simply by crossing a rather busy street/intersection/road/the thing with cars. We, as female college students, often experience odd cravings for such food as Wendy's, Zaxabys, Dunkin Donuts, Waffle House, or Brewsters at odd hours for odd reasons (we're females, we don't need real reasons).
Want food? No car? Problem solved: walk...that's what sidewalks are for (gotta show the pavement some love). So you walk: in droves, herds, groups, gaggles, bunches, duos, pairs, or even *gasp* alone. Unfortunately for 9 our of 10 females who choose to brave the "streets for the eats", cars often make it awkward when they do that weird 'honking thing'. What exactly is the point of honking at girls? Should females everywhere be offended or feel commended? Well, let's examine the language of vehicles and consider what honking signifies for a bit, shall we?
1.The polite honk
It is a little known fact in car etiquette that when a car passes a pedestrian, the said driver of the vehicle should give a quick beep or so. This is purely a pleasantry (and that was an auspicious alliteration). This honk says, "Hi there quaint female pedestrian. I see you, you see me. Have a lovely day". Such honks are usually produced by 'well-bred' drivers. Drivers-ed taught them well.
2. The warning honk
While a bit frightening to think of, often times the world is not safe for a small group of female college students braving the streets. With all of the rapists, criminals, thieves, vandals, homeless, vagrants, hippies, and boy scouts that frequent the streets and dark alleys of Charleston, a girl can never be too careful. This honk is used entirely for emergency reasons. If a concerned citizen driver sees a suspicious character trailing a group of college females, said citizen might apply quite a bit of force and pressure to his horn to signal said females to be alert. This ensures that they have plenty of time to 'circle the wagons' around the weakest/smallest girl(s) and get into crouching, threatening, defensive positions. Thank you concerned citizen drivers.
3. The practical-joker honk
Nobody likes these types of drivers. Yes, you know of whom I speak...those jerkish drivers who lay into the horn because they enjoy seeing a group of females scream/jump/yell/fall/curse/drop their purses from the shock and surprise of a sudden loud honk assaulting their eardrums. If their horn is incapacitated, these drivers are also prone to rev their engines in order to get the same effect. Bottom line, it's a honk as obnoxious as the personality of the driver behind the wheel.
4. The cat-call honk
See pretty girl. See pretty girl walk. See car horn. Honk, horn, honk. A 'no-brainer' automated male motorist response. Quite easy enough to recognize...you know if you got it or if you don't.
5. The recognizing honk
So a friend sees a fellow college student walking down the sidewalk. Waving is out of the question, you'd have to either let go of the steering wheel or your cell phone. This is a perfect time to incorporate the 'recognizing honk'. This honk is quite casual, usually consisting of a series of several small 'beeps' that contain the implied message of 'friends forever'.
6. The jealous
The jealous beep usually sounds aggressive and angry. This is because said driver is full of a jealous rage upon seeing said female pedestrians fabulous get-up. "Why don't I own purple sparkly leggings?!", "I knew I should have bought that woolen sweater vest!", and "She's wearing my pants!" are only a sample of the various interpretations of what these beeps could imply. In the case of this honk, you should wear this sound like a 'badge of honor'. Girl, go ahead. Be fabulous.
While I am not fluent in 'Car-Speak', I would like to think that I understand enough about car horns to act an interpreter for those less knowledgeable in such matters. Yes, it is important to know the difference in these various honks. It could be the difference between receiving a compliment about your pants or getting apprehended by a boyscout troop. So study up, because foreign languages (such as 'Car-Speak', 'Cafeteria-Lingo', 'Jockenese', and 'Honey Badgerish') shall always be vital and never become overrated.
Want food? No car? Problem solved: walk...that's what sidewalks are for (gotta show the pavement some love). So you walk: in droves, herds, groups, gaggles, bunches, duos, pairs, or even *gasp* alone. Unfortunately for 9 our of 10 females who choose to brave the "streets for the eats", cars often make it awkward when they do that weird 'honking thing'. What exactly is the point of honking at girls? Should females everywhere be offended or feel commended? Well, let's examine the language of vehicles and consider what honking signifies for a bit, shall we?
1.The polite honk
It is a little known fact in car etiquette that when a car passes a pedestrian, the said driver of the vehicle should give a quick beep or so. This is purely a pleasantry (and that was an auspicious alliteration). This honk says, "Hi there quaint female pedestrian. I see you, you see me. Have a lovely day". Such honks are usually produced by 'well-bred' drivers. Drivers-ed taught them well.
2. The warning honk
While a bit frightening to think of, often times the world is not safe for a small group of female college students braving the streets. With all of the rapists, criminals, thieves, vandals, homeless, vagrants, hippies, and boy scouts that frequent the streets and dark alleys of Charleston, a girl can never be too careful. This honk is used entirely for emergency reasons. If a concerned citizen driver sees a suspicious character trailing a group of college females, said citizen might apply quite a bit of force and pressure to his horn to signal said females to be alert. This ensures that they have plenty of time to 'circle the wagons' around the weakest/smallest girl(s) and get into crouching, threatening, defensive positions. Thank you concerned citizen drivers.
3. The practical-joker honk
Nobody likes these types of drivers. Yes, you know of whom I speak...those jerkish drivers who lay into the horn because they enjoy seeing a group of females scream/jump/yell/fall/curse/drop their purses from the shock and surprise of a sudden loud honk assaulting their eardrums. If their horn is incapacitated, these drivers are also prone to rev their engines in order to get the same effect. Bottom line, it's a honk as obnoxious as the personality of the driver behind the wheel.
4. The cat-call honk
See pretty girl. See pretty girl walk. See car horn. Honk, horn, honk. A 'no-brainer' automated male motorist response. Quite easy enough to recognize...you know if you got it or if you don't.
5. The recognizing honk
So a friend sees a fellow college student walking down the sidewalk. Waving is out of the question, you'd have to either let go of the steering wheel or your cell phone. This is a perfect time to incorporate the 'recognizing honk'. This honk is quite casual, usually consisting of a series of several small 'beeps' that contain the implied message of 'friends forever'.
6. The jealous
The jealous beep usually sounds aggressive and angry. This is because said driver is full of a jealous rage upon seeing said female pedestrians fabulous get-up. "Why don't I own purple sparkly leggings?!", "I knew I should have bought that woolen sweater vest!", and "She's wearing my pants!" are only a sample of the various interpretations of what these beeps could imply. In the case of this honk, you should wear this sound like a 'badge of honor'. Girl, go ahead. Be fabulous.
While I am not fluent in 'Car-Speak', I would like to think that I understand enough about car horns to act an interpreter for those less knowledgeable in such matters. Yes, it is important to know the difference in these various honks. It could be the difference between receiving a compliment about your pants or getting apprehended by a boyscout troop. So study up, because foreign languages (such as 'Car-Speak', 'Cafeteria-Lingo', 'Jockenese', and 'Honey Badgerish') shall always be vital and never become overrated.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Metaphors of Life
In English class today, we were discussed various overused metaphors. Exciting, right? No, this was not the only thing we did in the 80 minutes we were conjoined together for the sake of 'higher education'. Yes, we really do meet for 80 minutes. No, the class does not meet every day. Yes, I am asking stupid questions for the sake of answering them in an equally irritating manner. Anyway...our professor suggested (at the end of our lengthy class) that instead of borrowing old metaphors (and rather than 'beat a dead horse'), we should create our own instead. I have no qualms about this, considering I love a challenge and have a few nifty metaphors already in mind...Careful though. Some of them are also considered similes.
1. "Let's bounce this taco stand"
While I know this analogy does not make too much sense, (ok, it makes little to no sense) it sounds quite upbeat and 'hippish' (like all the cool kids these days). And quite frankly, who wouldn't want to bounce a taco stand?
2. "You broke my heart like the ugly child who looked straight at the camera"
Yes, I know this one is cruel and uncalled for...but you know you laughed a little. And c'mon, who hasn't seen that funky looking child near a camera and thought, "Oh dear Lord. Why? What has that camera done to deserve that?"
3. "Let's pass through here like a kidney stone"
The more I use this phrase, the more I realize that it sounds more painful then I intended it to (that's a lot of 'mores'). Anyway, what this phrase is simply trying to demonstrate is that in certain situations you want to make an impression...a memorable impression. A sometimes painfully uncomfortable impression. One to be remembered.
4. "I feel like an elephant is giving birth in my stomach"
Have you ever experienced a really intense pain? Well, if you have then this figure of speech is for you. Go ahead, own your pain. Express it to the world in a literary creative way.
5. "I'd rather give birth to 10 live baby sharks"
Another painful sounding metaphor, but one that conveys a powerful message. When faced with a task/activity/operation/assignment/meeting/ect. that you would rather avoid altogether, this phrase informs those around you just how strongly your urge to avoid said situation is.
6. "I feel like a baby shrub that just got chewed up by a Brontosaurus"
Awww, poor shrub. Ironically enough, almost everyone has heard of a Brontosaurus...but it's not a real dinosaur. Yup, another case of mistaken identity and scientific blundering. But, the thought of being chewed up (especially when you are just a lowly, innocent, adorable shrub) by any dinosaur is a good image to recall any day.
7. "He's full of lies"
Yup. While simple, this metaphor is a 'short and sweet' illustration of untruth. When one lacks the truth...he is full of lies. Obviously. End of discussion.
8. "I feel like a one-legged Ethiopian watching a donut roll down a hill"
So I didn't actually come up with this figure of speech (big surprise). I know it's a tad bit offensive (especially to donuts), but it's so fun to think about. Ok, maybe 'fun' is the wrong word here...let's go with 'powerful' and 'descriptive'.
Basically, any metaphor will do. And usually, the crazier (and more offensive...I mean 'socially provoking') one is the more useful it will be. As a speaker of the English language (I know, real badge of honor right there), we should challenge ourselves to never let our...interesting dialect become obsolete, outdated, and dull. Let's keep those scholarly conservative English-speakers on their toes and the edge of their seats. A little fun with language never hurt...well...let's just say while not entirely harmless, being creative with English will never be overrated.
1. "Let's bounce this taco stand"
While I know this analogy does not make too much sense, (ok, it makes little to no sense) it sounds quite upbeat and 'hippish' (like all the cool kids these days). And quite frankly, who wouldn't want to bounce a taco stand?
2. "You broke my heart like the ugly child who looked straight at the camera"
Yes, I know this one is cruel and uncalled for...but you know you laughed a little. And c'mon, who hasn't seen that funky looking child near a camera and thought, "Oh dear Lord. Why? What has that camera done to deserve that?"
3. "Let's pass through here like a kidney stone"
The more I use this phrase, the more I realize that it sounds more painful then I intended it to (that's a lot of 'mores'). Anyway, what this phrase is simply trying to demonstrate is that in certain situations you want to make an impression...a memorable impression. A sometimes painfully uncomfortable impression. One to be remembered.
4. "I feel like an elephant is giving birth in my stomach"
Have you ever experienced a really intense pain? Well, if you have then this figure of speech is for you. Go ahead, own your pain. Express it to the world in a literary creative way.
5. "I'd rather give birth to 10 live baby sharks"
Another painful sounding metaphor, but one that conveys a powerful message. When faced with a task/activity/operation/assignment/meeting/ect. that you would rather avoid altogether, this phrase informs those around you just how strongly your urge to avoid said situation is.
6. "I feel like a baby shrub that just got chewed up by a Brontosaurus"
Awww, poor shrub. Ironically enough, almost everyone has heard of a Brontosaurus...but it's not a real dinosaur. Yup, another case of mistaken identity and scientific blundering. But, the thought of being chewed up (especially when you are just a lowly, innocent, adorable shrub) by any dinosaur is a good image to recall any day.
7. "He's full of lies"
Yup. While simple, this metaphor is a 'short and sweet' illustration of untruth. When one lacks the truth...he is full of lies. Obviously. End of discussion.
8. "I feel like a one-legged Ethiopian watching a donut roll down a hill"
So I didn't actually come up with this figure of speech (big surprise). I know it's a tad bit offensive (especially to donuts), but it's so fun to think about. Ok, maybe 'fun' is the wrong word here...let's go with 'powerful' and 'descriptive'.
Basically, any metaphor will do. And usually, the crazier (and more offensive...I mean 'socially provoking') one is the more useful it will be. As a speaker of the English language (I know, real badge of honor right there), we should challenge ourselves to never let our...interesting dialect become obsolete, outdated, and dull. Let's keep those scholarly conservative English-speakers on their toes and the edge of their seats. A little fun with language never hurt...well...let's just say while not entirely harmless, being creative with English will never be overrated.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Peeing Like A Mom
During exam week before Christmas break, I found myself with quite a bit of free time (once you excluded studying, exams, and sleep). For me, this was a blessing and a curse as I had ample time to spend thinking; a dangerous past time, I know (movie quote, anyone..?). However, one day while luxuriously participating in this lovely activity, nature called. And, as you know, when nature dials your number...well, you don't want to miss that call. Maybe it was exams, the lack of sleep, or the social isolation...but I found myself reminded of the phrase, "I gotta pee like a mother". And I realized, unfortunately for me (...you, and this blog...), I didn't have a firm grasp on what that meant. So, being my wonderfully creative (and a bit clueless) self, I decided that I would assign possible meanings to this phrase...
1. An actual mom
You know one's body changes as age takes it's toil, and I'm sure the older you get the more difficult/lengthy/stressful/ect. such an activity becomes to a mom. Especially amidst the busy life of a stay-at-home-mom...watching the kids, house work, bills, cooking, facebook, book club...what shall you do when nature calls? Simply put, the act of 'relieving oneself' becomes an inconvenience (aptly recognized by the phrase).
2. A pregnant woman
This one actually makes sense. Because of obvious physical 'space' limitations, pregnant females pee quite a bit. Think about how horrible it must be...like a shark attack, this could occur at anytime and in anyplace (walking down the street, sitting in one's room, running a marathon, putting on a pair of leg warmers, reading the latest teen-romance novel...no impregnated female is safe). To empathize with this connotation would be an attempt to comment on the frequency nature hits the speed-dial button...
3. A mother...let's just say a 'bad word' (not literally, but an implied one)
This, I was saddened to discover is the most used interpretation of the phrase. However, it makes little sense to me. That's all I care to say about that.
While you might be laughing on the inside (or outside for all you 'lol' users out there) about how naive I appear to be based on this mini-brain storm, let me just point out that I'm slightly used to getting things like this wrong. For example, during my childhood I mispronounced 'remote control' and 'specific' quite a bit. I would ask my mother where the 'aremote control' was or ask my dad to be more 'pacific'. I even misread the poem, "Whose List to Hunt" by Sir Thomas Wyatt. The poem is a symbolic tale of a young man who is lusting after a woman who 'belongs' to the king by comparing (metaphorically of course) the young man to a hunter and the woman to a deer that belongs to 'Caesar'. I read through Wyatt's poem and actually asked my teacher why Caesar has a pet deer.
Yes, thankfully I came to realize such blunders as these with time, but while I may appear to be foolish...it's kind of enjoyable to look back at moments such as these and laugh (one of my favorite past times, truth be told). And as odd, embarrassing, or socially unacceptable such occurrences might be considered...I take pride in my crazy moments and laughing at oneself is crucial to living a non-overrated life. If you can't even laugh at your own mistakes, then can you expect to withstand situations in which others laugh at you? To be 'pacific', life is too short to worry about such things.
1. An actual mom
You know one's body changes as age takes it's toil, and I'm sure the older you get the more difficult/lengthy/stressful/ect. such an activity becomes to a mom. Especially amidst the busy life of a stay-at-home-mom...watching the kids, house work, bills, cooking, facebook, book club...what shall you do when nature calls? Simply put, the act of 'relieving oneself' becomes an inconvenience (aptly recognized by the phrase).
2. A pregnant woman
This one actually makes sense. Because of obvious physical 'space' limitations, pregnant females pee quite a bit. Think about how horrible it must be...like a shark attack, this could occur at anytime and in anyplace (walking down the street, sitting in one's room, running a marathon, putting on a pair of leg warmers, reading the latest teen-romance novel...no impregnated female is safe). To empathize with this connotation would be an attempt to comment on the frequency nature hits the speed-dial button...
3. A mother...let's just say a 'bad word' (not literally, but an implied one)
This, I was saddened to discover is the most used interpretation of the phrase. However, it makes little sense to me. That's all I care to say about that.
While you might be laughing on the inside (or outside for all you 'lol' users out there) about how naive I appear to be based on this mini-brain storm, let me just point out that I'm slightly used to getting things like this wrong. For example, during my childhood I mispronounced 'remote control' and 'specific' quite a bit. I would ask my mother where the 'aremote control' was or ask my dad to be more 'pacific'. I even misread the poem, "Whose List to Hunt" by Sir Thomas Wyatt. The poem is a symbolic tale of a young man who is lusting after a woman who 'belongs' to the king by comparing (metaphorically of course) the young man to a hunter and the woman to a deer that belongs to 'Caesar'. I read through Wyatt's poem and actually asked my teacher why Caesar has a pet deer.
Yes, thankfully I came to realize such blunders as these with time, but while I may appear to be foolish...it's kind of enjoyable to look back at moments such as these and laugh (one of my favorite past times, truth be told). And as odd, embarrassing, or socially unacceptable such occurrences might be considered...I take pride in my crazy moments and laughing at oneself is crucial to living a non-overrated life. If you can't even laugh at your own mistakes, then can you expect to withstand situations in which others laugh at you? To be 'pacific', life is too short to worry about such things.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Sticks and Stones
Ok, so aside from the implications this (slightly corny) title might give regarding verbal harassment, I assure you that I have no intentions of discussing bullying. I wish, instead, to report on a greater travesty that my friend and I underwent not too long ago.
Just to start off, have you ever (randomly/out of the blue/just for kicks and giggles) wanted a specific food? Yes, of course you have (and if you are in that .89% who have no idea what this means...just nod your head and read on). I have a friend, let's call her 'Alex', who impressed upon me the importance and deliciousness of the magical 'breadstick'. Oddly enough, it was a food item neither of us had enjoyed in some time...so we decided to fix that. One fateful night (yes, that was for dramatic flair) we piled into her pick-up and drove off to the nearest pizza place (no names but it rhymes with 'Meatza Cut'). For reasons unknown to us at that time (and still to this day actually...) the were OUT of breadsticks. The best/only reason to go to this pizza joint (unless you include wedding receptions or 7 year-old birthday parties) is for their famed pizza sticks (and I'm not talking about their 'dessert sticks'...).
As enraged and grieved as we were at such a travesty, my friend 'Alex' and myself decided to stay and order a mediocre pizza (to be enjoyed with our glamorous glasses of water). Sitting in that booth that night, we discussed the options we had and why they denied us sticks...here are some ideas:
1. We ordered water
So as of a couple years ago, I have gotten into the habit of ordering water with just-about every meal. It's not a bad policy for several reasons, but apparently 'Meatza Cut' didn't think so. I personally think that one of the reasons 'said pizza establishment' denied us bread sticks was because we wanted H2O...the drink that pizza restaurants despise (how could I have forgotten such a cardinal rule of pizza stick etiquette)?
2. Didn't get take-out
Fairly certain that while we sat fuming in our booth, a man came in to grab some sticks-to-go. Another vital approach to be remembered in the future...when in doubt, order out. (That way you can drink your water at home and not be judged for it)
3. I'm white
Yes, I'm pulling the race card. It almost sounds like a lame joke, "a non-latino white girl and a purteo-rican girl walk into a pizza joint". Obviously, it's cause I'm white. I almost wanted to ask the manager how it felt to crush two girls' dreams in one night...
4. We didn't even complain...
My friend (could have) come all the way from Puerto Rico to try the fabled 'bread stick' that she had only heard stories about. She has (maybe...possibly) never seen one in-person or even dared to try then in her country, as they are outlawed for being so amazing (and tied to 3 rebellions in her country's history). Ok...so it's a bit of a stretch, but who really knows these days? Whatever happened to customer service?
5. The pizza stick 'heater-uppers' had gone home for the night
This theory of ours was that the sticks are really frozen dough that they have to place in the oven (at roughly 350 degrees for 15 minutes) in order to achieve that 'freshly baked' look the public craves so desperately. Because the complicated process involved in their creation (ie. using an oven...I know, used to scare me...and then I turned 12), not ever pizza worker is trained in this 'art'. So...after the two high school kids (whose one job is to work the stick-oven) left for the day, they were hopelessly stick-less for the remainder of the night.
6. Ok, so we showed up a bit late...
I wouldn't call this our fault 'per-say', but we did show up 30 minutes before they close. But still, they didn't have to be so cranky about it by denying us the one thing we wanted from their casa de pizza...
While this is not a horribly big issue/problem/difficulty...it was slightly sad at the time. Picture it. Two morose college girls slumped in their booth, no desire to talk...melancholy. Hopeless. Occasionally staring up at the man who has come in and gotten the last of the pizza sticks...their mission is a failure. They will be the bane of college life...no one will ever speak of them again (except to whisper across classrooms about the misfortune that befell them). Names forgotten in history, they will fade away into hollow shells...mere memories of the two laughing girls they once were.
So now that you're thoroughly depressed/saddened, think about the worst thing that has happened to you lately. Come-on, everyone has at least one minor disappointment that has occurred within the last week or so. Well, in retrospect (despite how little it appears beside this horrible and unfortunate catastrophe) in the long-run, it probably won't matter. Life is short, so instead of making mountains out of pizza sticks (see what I did there...), living for Jesus and serving others is definitely a better policy to live by. 'Cause I'm quite certain that it's not overrated (even though this story was intentionally blown out of proportion...hope you picked up on that).
Just to start off, have you ever (randomly/out of the blue/just for kicks and giggles) wanted a specific food? Yes, of course you have (and if you are in that .89% who have no idea what this means...just nod your head and read on). I have a friend, let's call her 'Alex', who impressed upon me the importance and deliciousness of the magical 'breadstick'. Oddly enough, it was a food item neither of us had enjoyed in some time...so we decided to fix that. One fateful night (yes, that was for dramatic flair) we piled into her pick-up and drove off to the nearest pizza place (no names but it rhymes with 'Meatza Cut'). For reasons unknown to us at that time (and still to this day actually...) the were OUT of breadsticks. The best/only reason to go to this pizza joint (unless you include wedding receptions or 7 year-old birthday parties) is for their famed pizza sticks (and I'm not talking about their 'dessert sticks'...).
As enraged and grieved as we were at such a travesty, my friend 'Alex' and myself decided to stay and order a mediocre pizza (to be enjoyed with our glamorous glasses of water). Sitting in that booth that night, we discussed the options we had and why they denied us sticks...here are some ideas:
1. We ordered water
So as of a couple years ago, I have gotten into the habit of ordering water with just-about every meal. It's not a bad policy for several reasons, but apparently 'Meatza Cut' didn't think so. I personally think that one of the reasons 'said pizza establishment' denied us bread sticks was because we wanted H2O...the drink that pizza restaurants despise (how could I have forgotten such a cardinal rule of pizza stick etiquette)?
2. Didn't get take-out
Fairly certain that while we sat fuming in our booth, a man came in to grab some sticks-to-go. Another vital approach to be remembered in the future...when in doubt, order out. (That way you can drink your water at home and not be judged for it)
3. I'm white
Yes, I'm pulling the race card. It almost sounds like a lame joke, "a non-latino white girl and a purteo-rican girl walk into a pizza joint". Obviously, it's cause I'm white. I almost wanted to ask the manager how it felt to crush two girls' dreams in one night...
4. We didn't even complain...
My friend (could have) come all the way from Puerto Rico to try the fabled 'bread stick' that she had only heard stories about. She has (maybe...possibly) never seen one in-person or even dared to try then in her country, as they are outlawed for being so amazing (and tied to 3 rebellions in her country's history). Ok...so it's a bit of a stretch, but who really knows these days? Whatever happened to customer service?
5. The pizza stick 'heater-uppers' had gone home for the night
This theory of ours was that the sticks are really frozen dough that they have to place in the oven (at roughly 350 degrees for 15 minutes) in order to achieve that 'freshly baked' look the public craves so desperately. Because the complicated process involved in their creation (ie. using an oven...I know, used to scare me...and then I turned 12), not ever pizza worker is trained in this 'art'. So...after the two high school kids (whose one job is to work the stick-oven) left for the day, they were hopelessly stick-less for the remainder of the night.
6. Ok, so we showed up a bit late...
I wouldn't call this our fault 'per-say', but we did show up 30 minutes before they close. But still, they didn't have to be so cranky about it by denying us the one thing we wanted from their casa de pizza...
While this is not a horribly big issue/problem/difficulty...it was slightly sad at the time. Picture it. Two morose college girls slumped in their booth, no desire to talk...melancholy. Hopeless. Occasionally staring up at the man who has come in and gotten the last of the pizza sticks...their mission is a failure. They will be the bane of college life...no one will ever speak of them again (except to whisper across classrooms about the misfortune that befell them). Names forgotten in history, they will fade away into hollow shells...mere memories of the two laughing girls they once were.
So now that you're thoroughly depressed/saddened, think about the worst thing that has happened to you lately. Come-on, everyone has at least one minor disappointment that has occurred within the last week or so. Well, in retrospect (despite how little it appears beside this horrible and unfortunate catastrophe) in the long-run, it probably won't matter. Life is short, so instead of making mountains out of pizza sticks (see what I did there...), living for Jesus and serving others is definitely a better policy to live by. 'Cause I'm quite certain that it's not overrated (even though this story was intentionally blown out of proportion...hope you picked up on that).
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