The Creepy Crawlies

It staggered across my carpet, possibly with a limp. Was it injured? Maybe. However, disabled or not, I had no mercy. It had caught me off guard. I staggered off my bed and threw out my arm, entrapping my water bottle, clenching it tightly in my right hand. With a steeled resolve, I steadied my arm and plunged the bottom of my water vessel downwards upon my foe. Lifting my makeshift weapon, I carefully peeled it off of the carpet and carried it to the bathroom. Lifting my bottle to the faucet, I grinned in triumph as my opponent, who was plastered to the bottom of said water bottle, was jettisoned down the drain in a torrent of rushing water. Epic battle? No. But that cockroach certainly didn't get the best of me this time.

What exactly is it about bugs, insects, spiders, roaches, creepy crawlies, and every other small creature that is advertised on Raid bottles that freaks us out a little? You don't have to have a phobia of spiders or cockroaches to not like them, in fact, most people don't. Your disdain of bugs doesn't make you an exception. Instead, you are like the millions of humans who own at least one can of bug killer...you knowingly possess a (weak to strong) aversion to insects. I mean, it depends on the type of insect. Butterflies probably don't bug you as much as a palmetto bug or a wolf spider, but that's not the point.

The point is, why don't we favor insects? From what I hear, they can be quite beneficial to the ecosystem. Ok, maybe not your personal ecosystem. A ton of roaches running all over your bedroom won't give you warm fuzzies or any encouraging thoughts about how they are supposedly awesome for our planet (are they? goodness knows I just makes this stuff up...). So, let's look at this from a slightly analytical point of view. Why don't we like bugs?

1. Hairy
So who likes looking at an object completely covered in hair?  Aside from puppies, kittens, chipmunks, otters, Bambi, Pooh, and other cute woodland creatures, it's quite difficult to find a cute animal covered in hair/fur. Even relatives with too much facial and body hair can be repulsive and creepy, so why not bugs? When that granddaddy longlegs starts to resemble Uncle Steve, I'd be a bit wary of it too (the spider and the unlce).

2. Tiny
Ok, many people are scared of tiny things: thimbles, feathers, rain drops, blades of grass, and mushrooms. So what if cockroaches are tiny? So are millipedes, spiders, mosquito, and every other greatly feared insect out there...oh, wait.

3. Lots of eyes...
You know those "nerds" who were made fun of in gradeschool for having "four eyes"? (Hopefully you weren't one of these nerds, but if you were, you have my sincere apologies. I never liked those boring children with only two eyes...) Well, this rule of thumb explains why such torment happened to bespectacled children everywhere. When children/adults/people encounter something that is different and/or able to see better then they can, it makes us jealous. When jealous, we tend to lash out with words, physical acts of violence, and cans of bug spray. Hope this enlightens you a bit.

4. Ugly
Do I really need to explain this one? Nobody likes a bug with a case of the uglies, and in most cases this would apply to every bug (except butterflies and ladybugs, you know, the girly bugs. Guy bugs deserve to die). Moving on...

5. Hard to kill
So let's say that you have a nightmare about a hairy, bespectacled man who is chasing you around. No matter what you throw, shoot, spray towards/on this guy, he refuses to die. Wouldn't you be a bit scared of him? Have you tried to kill a roach lately? Do you understand why they might be a little intimidating to behold and deal with?!

6. Antisocial
In psychology class this semester we learned about how people with antisocial personality behavior disorders are those individuals commonly referred to as "sociopaths". When you approach a bug, if you dare, 9 out of 10 times they run for the hills. Not very social, are they? Well, if antisocial people become tomorrow's serial killers, what about those antisocial insects out there? What are they gonna do? Not a very bright and cheerful future for them, huh?

All of this analyzing and surmising is not to prove that I am afraid of bugs, insects, and all things small and hairy. I approached that roach tonight with malice in my heart and the flaming fire of justice burning brightly in my eyes. Needless to say, I was victorious in my insect encounter despite all of the odds against me (aka reasons 1-6 explaining logical reasons on why any rational individual has a right to be wary and a tiny bit terrified of the traditional insect that crosses their path at one in the morning).

However, this does not explain phobias and those crazy irrational fears of spiders and roaches. If you are one of those individuals who believes that roaches are out to take over the world or that spiders are lurking around every corner waiting to jump on you and bite your nose...yeah, this post is not for you. All I am saying in this situation is that those of you who keep one eye peeled for the next opportunity that allows you to bring one more insect to a swift and just end (aka, slow and painful death that often involves a bug drowning in Raid), you guys and gals are not overrated in the slightest. Keep on killing those bugs, and don't feel foolish in your endeavors. With great amounts of bug killer comes great amounts of bug corpses.