For Whom the Dog Barks

5 am. Really? At 5 am?! What, you may ask, did assault thine own ear orifices at this wee hour in the morn? Well, if you actually read the title...yup. My two "faithful" companions. Oh sure, I'm used to them barking at all hours of the day, but the night? That's sacred, reserved for sleeping and the resting of the eyelids, brain, and ears. Two dogs barking, correction...did I say barking? I meant howling. It was a long and piteous chorus of wailing, two howls engaging in a duet for the world to hear (or at least me, don't know where my parents were during this lovely canine symphony).

I have a beagle and a miniature poodle, and yes, even the poodle was howling. I think the beagle taught her when we weren't paying attention or she borrowed some self-help tapes from the library. Anyway, it's not important that they were howling (I mean...it is, but that aspect was more intriguing at 5 am this morning). Instead, let's examine exactly why these two fluffy bundles of chaos decided to open their faces so early in the morning. (No, I'm not upset, but it would be nice to have some information that puts them in a more favorable light as I do have to spend the next week babysitting them)

1. It was a full moon
Ok, so I'm not implying that they're werewolves, but lunar events have been known to make people and animals behave in strange ways. Some studies have shown that pets engage in more risky behavior, and owners make more vet visits for said risky pets during lunar cycles. Last night wasn't a full moon, but they're inside. They might not have known that.

2. Alerting us to intruders
The basic function of dogs, to protect house and family. My dogs have never been much of attack dogs (unless drowning someone in "kisses" and doggie saliva counts), but they have both been very good at barking at sounds they hear. They wouldn't actually do anything about the noises they bark out, especially if they see something or someone to whom those noises belong to, but there is a first thing for everything. Last night was dark, maybe their nightly defense is howling manically at the top of their little doggie lungs.

3. Bad dreams
People dream; dogs dream. So people = dogs...well, not exactly. But dogs have been known to dream. I don't know what goes on during these dreams, but if you own a dog, have you ever looked over at little Fluffy Nutterkins or Sparky Oswald and seen his/her legs jerking coupled with crazy lip twitching? (No, in case you were wondering...I did not use my own pet names in that example. It's Basil and Mustard, if you must know) Maybe they were having a synonymous nightmare, both trapped in some creation of their minds (a food shortage, no yard time, isolation...eerily similar to prison problems). I have heard Mustard (the beagle) bark in her sleep before. If they were both having the same nightmare (let's assume they were) then if they both started howling, this slightly unrealistic reasoning could be possible. Possible...not probable.

4. Really have to pee
 We take them outside before we put them in their bed for the night so they can do their business (here, bed is just a nice way of saying their cage or kennel...which is big enough for the both of them to sleep comfortably). When I get up in the morning, usually whenever they start barking (let's say 9ish, they've been extremely slack lately), I take them outside and just chill with them in the house until they have to relieve themselves or it's their meal time. Lets say I choose not to let them out as soon as they start barking; it get's worse. Their barking will eventually turn into some long, drawn-out, pathetic howls as they vie desperately for my attention. I don't make them suffer for fun; sometimes I'm just out of it in the morning. But maybe this is something they do everyday in the wee hours of the morning. I try to make it a habit not to be awake at 5 am, so maybe this is a routine thing I just don't know about.

5. Victory howl
"It was a crazy night, both of us asleep in our holding cell. All of a sudden Basil has an epileptic fit and goes into cardiac arrest. I've never had any lifesaving skills training! Instead, in my quick thinking, I repeatedly pounced on (what I think might have been) her heart. She stopped twitching and slowly opened her snout and coughed up part of a chew toy I didn't know we owned. She stood up, shook out her fur, and gave me a grin of gratitude. Because our cheap owners wouldn't spring for an alarm clock, we didn't know it was so stinkin' early in the morning and let out victory howls (I mean, she was ok...isn't that worth celebrating?)" Obviously, this is what was running through Mustard's head last night. If I was a dog, I would hope that something epic would happen at 5am...so this is the one I think I'm going to agree with.

So I didn't write this just to complain (even though I found it quite pleasant to share my small discomfort with you). I guess I just don't understand dogs. They can be cute, loyal, crazy, annoying, loving, and (insert your own adjective here), but not so easy to deal with all the time. It's for this very reason that, one day in the near future, I'm going to purchase one of the best pets ever! Our life together will be fantastic and not overrated at all...mainly because hedgehogs don't wake you up at 5 am by howling. Descented skunks are pretty snazzy too. Who knows? As long as it doesn't howl...