So last night around 11pm, surprisingly everyone in our room was in bed, granted we were talking and sleep was not discovered for another 20 minutes or so, but nevertheless...it was an impressive feat. While we were lying there one of my roommates and myself saw the shadowed outline of a guy outside our window. Because my third roommie (the little one) couldn't see the window, she freaked out a bit and was trying to rouse me out of bed to bang on the window with an empty wrapping-paper roll. I'm not sure if her intent was to make him go away, get a few laughs out of me looking stupid, or a combination of the two. However, it was soon deducted that he was a love-struck "Romeo" who was throwing pebbles at the room above ours in the hopes of seeing his lady-love before he went beddy-bye. Romantic? A little nauseating, but hey...to each his own.
So what exactly would have happened last night had that hormonal teenager been instead a mysterious creeper on the prowl? Well, the safest and most responsible way to deal with that would have been to call campus security, lock the door, and call it a night. However, if there is one thing I have learned about myself from the 18 years I have toiled away on this earth and by living with 2 other adults it's that I'm not always responsible. If there is a creeper outside my window then I'm going to mess with him for kicks and giggles...I know, pretty mature right?
- Making faces
One of the classic "psych-outs" that I'm sure creeps hate is having one or more girls making grizzly faces at him through a set of roll-up blinds. For added theatrics, a well-positioned flashlight held under the chin or some disturbing sound effects (one of my roommates has gotten very good at these) are sure to send your creeper creeping away at full creep.
- Puppet show
If it appears that the creeper/stalker/masked-murderer outside your window late at night isn't going anywhere anytime soon, why not give him something to enjoy and giggle at? Using painted fingers, spare socks, or little people stapled to an empty wrapping-paper roll I'm sure you can come up with many detailed and award-winning acts to enthrall your uninvited window creep. You could wow him with Shakespearean portrayals of love and betrayal, stage scenes of death and war that would leave him quaking in his sneakers, or even reenact scenes from Mean Girls to enrage to the point where words cannot express his flaming wrath (it's Lindsey Lohan acting, I mean who wouldn't be upset?). The opportunities are endless, and if you play your cards right you might be kept off his "bad list".
- Sacrifice
If he appears relentless on getting something before he leaves, be that a "hello", "I love you", or a dead body from the one he loves, you can always use a little leverage to save your room. Nominate one person in your room or in the neighboring room to be the "sacrifice". You can use criteria such as age, hair color, height, GPA, favorite marine animal, number of friends, ect. My personal favorite is height, because by selecting the shortest person in your room, not only have you raised the average height in your room from 5'6'' to 5'9'', but it is easier to force said sacrifice through your first-floor window (regardless of how much she resists, claws, scratches, screams, and makes wild-animal calls to alert the surrounding room residents who are or under 5'2''). So you lose a roommate...at least you gain a full night's sleep in peace and security. Well worth it in my opinion.
- Distraction
In the case that your creeper/lover-boy/mysterious desperado gets a bit unnerving standing outside yonder window, a good distraction always comes in handy in such instances. Flashing lights from another dorm window, the blaring of music (Celine Dion might just come in handy...for once) in his general direction, the tossing of candy (cookies, old food, hot liquids...what ever is on hand), or even using reverse psychology on him by cracking your window and whispering creepy things (if you haven't sacrificed your midget roommate by now, her weird animal sound effects could come in handy here). In any case, as long as it is blatantly obvious to the creeper outside, anything ought to buy you enough time for him to get distracted (and by default) choose another target to devote his attentions toward.
Basically, if none of the tactics listed above bring you joy, entertainment, and/or rid yourself of your unwanted visitor than maybe being mature and calling security is the best option for you. Hey, I mean we can't all be spontaneous and fun when confronted with an obstacle that stands to rob us of 10-30 minutes of sleep. I'm not saying that unrequited love (at least it appeared unrequited last night) is overrated, on the contrary, I commend the stranger from last night for his diligence. What I AM suggesting is that having fun with creepers/desperados/mysterious men/weirdos/"Romeos" who are all up in your "proverbial grill" after the sun has set is pretty awesome and not in the least bit overrated.
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