Natural Sweaters

Who doesn't enjoy a good sweater every now and then? Haven't you ever been getting ready for a formal event and while adjusting your gown say aloud, "Man, I look amazing but I think this dress would look even more stunning with a sweater."? Or when your date arrives to pick you up in his freshly washed soccer-mom van, did you ever catch yourself staring into his recently shaved face and thinking, "He sure cleans up nice. Now if only he was wearing a sweater vest...".

Sweaters in this world come in all shapes, sizes, patterns, and prints. In fact, in this great nation, you have the luxury of enjoying sweaters ranging from vests, turtlenecks, checkered, plaid, pull-over, button-up, woolen, cashmere, knitted, too big, too tight, or even the occasional ugly Christmas sweater (very festive). Amidst the many opportunities there are to clad yourself in one of these wonderful garments, what I have just described are "natural sweaters". However, there is an injustice being preformed daily by pet owners everywhere that is inexcusable, simply unnatural, and what can only be described as a crime against nature...sweaters for dogs.

Really? I don't see the appeal there whatsoever. In fact, oftentimes dog sweaters appear to be torture devices or ways to punish your unruly animal. Dogs are gifted with a wonderful thing called "fur" (heard of it?) where it keeps their otherwise naked little bodies warm. Now hairless dogs look so pathetic that making them wear a body-tube-like-object and calling it a sweater can only improve their looks. But for the other 98% of canines out there, enough is enough. No, sweaters, raincoats, hats, boots, and dresses on dogs are not "cute".

It's a waste of money. Sure "Mr. Wiggles" your labradoodle might look "adorable" in his coat and tie...but does Mr. Wiggles think he looks adorable? Mr. Wiggles wishes you had saved your money. In fact, if he could, I'm sure Mr. Wiggles would have no qualm tearing off his new clothes and go running (and screaming if capable) out the front door...never to be heard of again. Or you might be hearing from his lawyer...or just PETA (which is worse in my opinion).

Oh, so you bought your dog clothes so they could stay warm in the winter? Well, for starters if it's that cold bring your animal inside at night, or during the day if necessary. You can't really have bought your dog an entire wardrobe of sweaters so that when he goes outside to do his business that he would be "comfortable". I'm sure your pet won't die in that 1-5 minute window in which he goes outside to relieve himself. In fact, the cold might even be the motivation little "Fifi" needs to hurry up and go.

In essence, sweaters are a beautiful thing when worn by people. Dogs are NOT people. They have their own natural sweaters that are much more attractive than those hideous things sold at the store that are supposedly "pet friendly". Oh, and Halloween costumes do not count. I happen to think that dressing your animal up to reflect a little bit of cuteness through a costume is slightly weird but ok. I mean, people dress their babies up for Halloween and that's kinda like dressing up a dog. I mean in essence they do the same things (cry, poop, eat, and sleep).

Just remember, dog sweaters are an unnatural occurrence that should not be continued. In fact, I find dressing up pets in sweaters to be horribly overrated and makes the sweaters sad. Don't make a sweater cry today. Save the sweaters for the people.