Have you ever compared yourself to your sibling(s)? Most of us have, it's completely normal. Noticing differences is completely natural (ironically funny in twins, don't you think?). How exactly do we know that the person who came out of the womb before/after you is really your sister/brother? Sure, I suppose you could just blatantly have blind faith in your parents...but what fun is that? But, I digress. I have noticed enough similarities between my sister and I that put my mind at ease. However, as acceptable as this promise of relation...what is NOT acceptable is everything she has robbed me of by simply being born 17 months before me. Why did she get to have first dibs on all the good genes?
1. Artistic inclination
My sister is a an artistic genius. Ok, she's no Picasso, but she is crazy talented. Can I draw? Do stick people count?
2. Clear skin
She has flawless skin. A model-worthy complexion. She might get one pimple a month...while I wage war against a constant bombardment of adolescent facial blemishes. Ok, so I'm no pizza-face...but in comparison with my sister I might as well be.
3. Photogenic-ness
I avert pictures because I didn't get this gene. My sister is amazing in pictures. The camera loves one of us, and it's not my awkward self...enough said.
4. Curves
Without going into too much detail...let's just say my sister is a beautiful woman. I'm stuck in the 'cute' stage.
5. Short legs/long torso
While this sounds a bit odd to ask for, all I have to say is that I have to get super long pants. Her pants on me (normal length) are high waters on me.
6. People-person
My sister is a naturally friendly person. She can go in a crowd of strangers and befriend all of them. Ever since we were little. I was standing behind my dad, hugging his leg like a life preserver and she was out in front...showing love to the masses.
Ok...this being said. What did I wind up with in all of this gene madness? Well, I'm glad you asked...
1.Type 'A' personality
This keeps me organized, scheduled, and motivated to succeed. Whoo-hoo.
2. Humor?
I would like to think of myself as a slightly funny person. Even if no one laughs with me, I love laughing and try to share this joy with others. If only I had the 'people-person' gene...
3. Good hair
Ok, this one used to be just mine...but after my sister started brushing her hair when she was 10, this gene is no longer solely mine to hold.
4. Good grades
She also made the Dean's List this semester. Again...whoo-hoo.
5. Tall
So, I can reach the top shelf...somebody get me a medal. (Please tell me that sarcasm was not wasted...)
Did I mention that she's 5'10?
So, am I unsatisfied? No. I was just merely making a healthy comparison of my sister and I. At the end of the day, while I might occasionally look at her and wish I could snatch some of those genes back...I know they were never mine to begin with. God knew what He was doing when He made us (kinda hard to believe sometimes, I know). I love the genes and qualities that I have (even if I don't always celebrate them). I love my sister to death, and those differences make us interesting and unique. So in the face of diversity within your brotherly/sisterly gene pool, don't be ashamed of the traits you didn't get. You got stuff too. Own it. Work it. And just know, while it's easy to compare, it's never overrated to love and celebrate your own unique awesomeness. (Yeah yeah...this isn't a self-help book. I get it. I'm done, ok? Chill out.) Love you sis.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
The Language of Cars
So, you're a poor college kid with no car. What to do? Well, legs are pretty snazzy tools for walking...so you decide to use yours to take you across the street. "Why across the street?", you ask. If you go to a small university, such as CSU, then you have a small selection of restaurants, gas stations, and clinics (including the rather large one labeled "Hospital"...the important one with the helipad) to visit simply by crossing a rather busy street/intersection/road/the thing with cars. We, as female college students, often experience odd cravings for such food as Wendy's, Zaxabys, Dunkin Donuts, Waffle House, or Brewsters at odd hours for odd reasons (we're females, we don't need real reasons).
Want food? No car? Problem solved: walk...that's what sidewalks are for (gotta show the pavement some love). So you walk: in droves, herds, groups, gaggles, bunches, duos, pairs, or even *gasp* alone. Unfortunately for 9 our of 10 females who choose to brave the "streets for the eats", cars often make it awkward when they do that weird 'honking thing'. What exactly is the point of honking at girls? Should females everywhere be offended or feel commended? Well, let's examine the language of vehicles and consider what honking signifies for a bit, shall we?
1.The polite honk
It is a little known fact in car etiquette that when a car passes a pedestrian, the said driver of the vehicle should give a quick beep or so. This is purely a pleasantry (and that was an auspicious alliteration). This honk says, "Hi there quaint female pedestrian. I see you, you see me. Have a lovely day". Such honks are usually produced by 'well-bred' drivers. Drivers-ed taught them well.
2. The warning honk
While a bit frightening to think of, often times the world is not safe for a small group of female college students braving the streets. With all of the rapists, criminals, thieves, vandals, homeless, vagrants, hippies, and boy scouts that frequent the streets and dark alleys of Charleston, a girl can never be too careful. This honk is used entirely for emergency reasons. If a concerned citizen driver sees a suspicious character trailing a group of college females, said citizen might apply quite a bit of force and pressure to his horn to signal said females to be alert. This ensures that they have plenty of time to 'circle the wagons' around the weakest/smallest girl(s) and get into crouching, threatening, defensive positions. Thank you concerned citizen drivers.
3. The practical-joker honk
Nobody likes these types of drivers. Yes, you know of whom I speak...those jerkish drivers who lay into the horn because they enjoy seeing a group of females scream/jump/yell/fall/curse/drop their purses from the shock and surprise of a sudden loud honk assaulting their eardrums. If their horn is incapacitated, these drivers are also prone to rev their engines in order to get the same effect. Bottom line, it's a honk as obnoxious as the personality of the driver behind the wheel.
4. The cat-call honk
See pretty girl. See pretty girl walk. See car horn. Honk, horn, honk. A 'no-brainer' automated male motorist response. Quite easy enough to recognize...you know if you got it or if you don't.
5. The recognizing honk
So a friend sees a fellow college student walking down the sidewalk. Waving is out of the question, you'd have to either let go of the steering wheel or your cell phone. This is a perfect time to incorporate the 'recognizing honk'. This honk is quite casual, usually consisting of a series of several small 'beeps' that contain the implied message of 'friends forever'.
6. The jealous
The jealous beep usually sounds aggressive and angry. This is because said driver is full of a jealous rage upon seeing said female pedestrians fabulous get-up. "Why don't I own purple sparkly leggings?!", "I knew I should have bought that woolen sweater vest!", and "She's wearing my pants!" are only a sample of the various interpretations of what these beeps could imply. In the case of this honk, you should wear this sound like a 'badge of honor'. Girl, go ahead. Be fabulous.
While I am not fluent in 'Car-Speak', I would like to think that I understand enough about car horns to act an interpreter for those less knowledgeable in such matters. Yes, it is important to know the difference in these various honks. It could be the difference between receiving a compliment about your pants or getting apprehended by a boyscout troop. So study up, because foreign languages (such as 'Car-Speak', 'Cafeteria-Lingo', 'Jockenese', and 'Honey Badgerish') shall always be vital and never become overrated.
Want food? No car? Problem solved: walk...that's what sidewalks are for (gotta show the pavement some love). So you walk: in droves, herds, groups, gaggles, bunches, duos, pairs, or even *gasp* alone. Unfortunately for 9 our of 10 females who choose to brave the "streets for the eats", cars often make it awkward when they do that weird 'honking thing'. What exactly is the point of honking at girls? Should females everywhere be offended or feel commended? Well, let's examine the language of vehicles and consider what honking signifies for a bit, shall we?
1.The polite honk
It is a little known fact in car etiquette that when a car passes a pedestrian, the said driver of the vehicle should give a quick beep or so. This is purely a pleasantry (and that was an auspicious alliteration). This honk says, "Hi there quaint female pedestrian. I see you, you see me. Have a lovely day". Such honks are usually produced by 'well-bred' drivers. Drivers-ed taught them well.
2. The warning honk
While a bit frightening to think of, often times the world is not safe for a small group of female college students braving the streets. With all of the rapists, criminals, thieves, vandals, homeless, vagrants, hippies, and boy scouts that frequent the streets and dark alleys of Charleston, a girl can never be too careful. This honk is used entirely for emergency reasons. If a concerned citizen driver sees a suspicious character trailing a group of college females, said citizen might apply quite a bit of force and pressure to his horn to signal said females to be alert. This ensures that they have plenty of time to 'circle the wagons' around the weakest/smallest girl(s) and get into crouching, threatening, defensive positions. Thank you concerned citizen drivers.
3. The practical-joker honk
Nobody likes these types of drivers. Yes, you know of whom I speak...those jerkish drivers who lay into the horn because they enjoy seeing a group of females scream/jump/yell/fall/curse/drop their purses from the shock and surprise of a sudden loud honk assaulting their eardrums. If their horn is incapacitated, these drivers are also prone to rev their engines in order to get the same effect. Bottom line, it's a honk as obnoxious as the personality of the driver behind the wheel.
4. The cat-call honk
See pretty girl. See pretty girl walk. See car horn. Honk, horn, honk. A 'no-brainer' automated male motorist response. Quite easy enough to recognize...you know if you got it or if you don't.
5. The recognizing honk
So a friend sees a fellow college student walking down the sidewalk. Waving is out of the question, you'd have to either let go of the steering wheel or your cell phone. This is a perfect time to incorporate the 'recognizing honk'. This honk is quite casual, usually consisting of a series of several small 'beeps' that contain the implied message of 'friends forever'.
6. The jealous
The jealous beep usually sounds aggressive and angry. This is because said driver is full of a jealous rage upon seeing said female pedestrians fabulous get-up. "Why don't I own purple sparkly leggings?!", "I knew I should have bought that woolen sweater vest!", and "She's wearing my pants!" are only a sample of the various interpretations of what these beeps could imply. In the case of this honk, you should wear this sound like a 'badge of honor'. Girl, go ahead. Be fabulous.
While I am not fluent in 'Car-Speak', I would like to think that I understand enough about car horns to act an interpreter for those less knowledgeable in such matters. Yes, it is important to know the difference in these various honks. It could be the difference between receiving a compliment about your pants or getting apprehended by a boyscout troop. So study up, because foreign languages (such as 'Car-Speak', 'Cafeteria-Lingo', 'Jockenese', and 'Honey Badgerish') shall always be vital and never become overrated.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Metaphors of Life
In English class today, we were discussed various overused metaphors. Exciting, right? No, this was not the only thing we did in the 80 minutes we were conjoined together for the sake of 'higher education'. Yes, we really do meet for 80 minutes. No, the class does not meet every day. Yes, I am asking stupid questions for the sake of answering them in an equally irritating manner. Anyway...our professor suggested (at the end of our lengthy class) that instead of borrowing old metaphors (and rather than 'beat a dead horse'), we should create our own instead. I have no qualms about this, considering I love a challenge and have a few nifty metaphors already in mind...Careful though. Some of them are also considered similes.
1. "Let's bounce this taco stand"
While I know this analogy does not make too much sense, (ok, it makes little to no sense) it sounds quite upbeat and 'hippish' (like all the cool kids these days). And quite frankly, who wouldn't want to bounce a taco stand?
2. "You broke my heart like the ugly child who looked straight at the camera"
Yes, I know this one is cruel and uncalled for...but you know you laughed a little. And c'mon, who hasn't seen that funky looking child near a camera and thought, "Oh dear Lord. Why? What has that camera done to deserve that?"
3. "Let's pass through here like a kidney stone"
The more I use this phrase, the more I realize that it sounds more painful then I intended it to (that's a lot of 'mores'). Anyway, what this phrase is simply trying to demonstrate is that in certain situations you want to make an impression...a memorable impression. A sometimes painfully uncomfortable impression. One to be remembered.
4. "I feel like an elephant is giving birth in my stomach"
Have you ever experienced a really intense pain? Well, if you have then this figure of speech is for you. Go ahead, own your pain. Express it to the world in a literary creative way.
5. "I'd rather give birth to 10 live baby sharks"
Another painful sounding metaphor, but one that conveys a powerful message. When faced with a task/activity/operation/assignment/meeting/ect. that you would rather avoid altogether, this phrase informs those around you just how strongly your urge to avoid said situation is.
6. "I feel like a baby shrub that just got chewed up by a Brontosaurus"
Awww, poor shrub. Ironically enough, almost everyone has heard of a Brontosaurus...but it's not a real dinosaur. Yup, another case of mistaken identity and scientific blundering. But, the thought of being chewed up (especially when you are just a lowly, innocent, adorable shrub) by any dinosaur is a good image to recall any day.
7. "He's full of lies"
Yup. While simple, this metaphor is a 'short and sweet' illustration of untruth. When one lacks the truth...he is full of lies. Obviously. End of discussion.
8. "I feel like a one-legged Ethiopian watching a donut roll down a hill"
So I didn't actually come up with this figure of speech (big surprise). I know it's a tad bit offensive (especially to donuts), but it's so fun to think about. Ok, maybe 'fun' is the wrong word here...let's go with 'powerful' and 'descriptive'.
Basically, any metaphor will do. And usually, the crazier (and more offensive...I mean 'socially provoking') one is the more useful it will be. As a speaker of the English language (I know, real badge of honor right there), we should challenge ourselves to never let our...interesting dialect become obsolete, outdated, and dull. Let's keep those scholarly conservative English-speakers on their toes and the edge of their seats. A little fun with language never hurt...well...let's just say while not entirely harmless, being creative with English will never be overrated.
1. "Let's bounce this taco stand"
While I know this analogy does not make too much sense, (ok, it makes little to no sense) it sounds quite upbeat and 'hippish' (like all the cool kids these days). And quite frankly, who wouldn't want to bounce a taco stand?
2. "You broke my heart like the ugly child who looked straight at the camera"
Yes, I know this one is cruel and uncalled for...but you know you laughed a little. And c'mon, who hasn't seen that funky looking child near a camera and thought, "Oh dear Lord. Why? What has that camera done to deserve that?"
3. "Let's pass through here like a kidney stone"
The more I use this phrase, the more I realize that it sounds more painful then I intended it to (that's a lot of 'mores'). Anyway, what this phrase is simply trying to demonstrate is that in certain situations you want to make an impression...a memorable impression. A sometimes painfully uncomfortable impression. One to be remembered.
4. "I feel like an elephant is giving birth in my stomach"
Have you ever experienced a really intense pain? Well, if you have then this figure of speech is for you. Go ahead, own your pain. Express it to the world in a literary creative way.
5. "I'd rather give birth to 10 live baby sharks"
Another painful sounding metaphor, but one that conveys a powerful message. When faced with a task/activity/operation/assignment/meeting/ect. that you would rather avoid altogether, this phrase informs those around you just how strongly your urge to avoid said situation is.
6. "I feel like a baby shrub that just got chewed up by a Brontosaurus"
Awww, poor shrub. Ironically enough, almost everyone has heard of a Brontosaurus...but it's not a real dinosaur. Yup, another case of mistaken identity and scientific blundering. But, the thought of being chewed up (especially when you are just a lowly, innocent, adorable shrub) by any dinosaur is a good image to recall any day.
7. "He's full of lies"
Yup. While simple, this metaphor is a 'short and sweet' illustration of untruth. When one lacks the truth...he is full of lies. Obviously. End of discussion.
8. "I feel like a one-legged Ethiopian watching a donut roll down a hill"
So I didn't actually come up with this figure of speech (big surprise). I know it's a tad bit offensive (especially to donuts), but it's so fun to think about. Ok, maybe 'fun' is the wrong word here...let's go with 'powerful' and 'descriptive'.
Basically, any metaphor will do. And usually, the crazier (and more offensive...I mean 'socially provoking') one is the more useful it will be. As a speaker of the English language (I know, real badge of honor right there), we should challenge ourselves to never let our...interesting dialect become obsolete, outdated, and dull. Let's keep those scholarly conservative English-speakers on their toes and the edge of their seats. A little fun with language never hurt...well...let's just say while not entirely harmless, being creative with English will never be overrated.
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