If the act of living one's life was compared to driving a car (you can decide whether it looks more like a Mercedes or a jalopy...just don't get carried away) then you could say that this truck has spent most of her life in third gear. In other (more fleshly) terms, you might argue that I've spent much of my soon-to-be 20 years on earth as a "third wheel". This is not a bad thing in the slightest. While it may be awkward at times, I now see this as a gift. However, throughout the various chapters of my third-wheeled life, I did not always appreciate being the "odd-woman out". Let's have a quick look-see at what exactly this means and maybe you too shall gain a new understanding on what it means to be single.
Stage 1 - Ignorance
"Go out with you guys? Sure. Why not? Sounds like fun. I'm there. Give me 30 minutes." (And hence my childish though process) I didn't always know what I was, concerning being the "third-wheel". Oftentimes I was just excited to be included for outings and events and didn't question why I was invited...yeah. I was a bit slow as a child (insert joke questioning this past tense reference or my current definition of myself as not being a child...yup, real original). As I got older however, I quickly outgrew the blissful ignorance from which this stage is so aptly named.
Stage 2 -Despair
"What?! A third wheel?? Since when?? That long ago!? Oh man, I'm going to die alone!!" (And hence my thought process went something like that after I came to the realization...every single time I was invited out with a group of at least 1 couple or more)
Stage 3 - Rebellion
"Me go out with you guys? Nah, I'm just gonna stay here. Thanks guys, maybe next time. I'm not really in the mood to go out right now. How many people are going? Just you two? Maybe next time." (And hence my new thought process...I might die alone, but I'm not going to let couples feel sorry for me or use me as the "safety net" in their outings. Just leave room for Jesus why don't 'ya?)
Stage 4 - Acceptance
Well, I kind of like you two young'ns, and I don't mind going to see a movie. I suppose I can endure the constant bombardment on my senses to see you two cuddling for 2 hours...but no pet names. There's a couple of other third-wheels going? I can definitely go." (And hence the slightly kinder, but still enlightened, thought process)
Stage 5 - Rockin' It
"I should start a Bible study for other third wheels. Yes, single power! Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday too, except I don't have to buy processed love tokens for my "special someone"...I get to have a couple-free day! Just run along now to your fancy dinner...I've got my two men, Ben and Jerry, to keep me company." (And hence my realization that I can rock being one of the few drivers still in third gear)
Now, I'm not knockin' on you fellow drivers cruising along with that special someone in the passenger's seat. If that's how you roll, then by all means, roll right on by. Don't mind me. I'm may be truckin' along at a slightly slower speed, but I'm still moving. I've driven past so many accidents and collisions that it's hard to keep them all straight as they break apart and find a new passenger to contend with. My advice/words of wisdom today concerning this occurrence would be to not "rush into a road trip". (Yes, I'm still describing relationships in car-metaphor...try to keep up)
I have had so many awkward trips where it was me and X number of couples. Not saying I didn't have a good time, but giving your third wheel a heads-up as to the possibility that they will be cruising alone on the outing is not a bad idea. As much as you and your "beloved" may wish to promise that your single friend won't feel left out...yeah, let's just not promise that. Who knows, one day I might just bump into another truck/car/hopefully it moves with 4 wheels heading in the same direction as me, and I might decide to ride shotgun for awhile. Until that day comes though I'm going to sit down, find some rockin' tunes, grab the wheel, and just enjoy the ride...which isn't overrated as far as I'm concerned.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Animal Realism
Today, I was picking up dog feces/crap/poop/excrement in my backyard (yes, it's not the most glamorous job...I am fully aware of that). So, to escape from the joys that are dog poop, I let my mind wander (a dangerous pastime...movie quote anyone?) and dwell upon the phrase "to be a fly on the wall". I suppose I now see the irony of thinking of flies while dealing with poop, but at the time such ironies escaped me. Anyway, flies. I begin to think of instances in which I would enjoy being a fly on the wall and found that most of them would never work. Why? So glad you asked.
As a relatively outspoken individual (and a female), there is no way that I could just stand back and watch if something exciting is taking place in the same room. I would buzz, annoy, dive-bomb, and be overall as distracting as I could be. That being said, why do we use animals so frequently to describe situations? Most of they time those metaphors don't accurately portray the situation. So, in the spirit of fun (and realism), let's ruin some other animal affiliated metaphors, shall we?
1. Who let the cat out of the bag?
I'm not sure why the answer to this question is necessarily a "bad thing". Animal lovers everywhere (and PETA...people eating tasty animals) would be ecstatic if someone let a cat out of a bag. So metaphorically speaking, if I ruin a surprise or spill a secret, shouldn't PETA be happy with me? I may lose my friends, but I get new animal obsessed ones...a win-win?
2. The elephant in the room
I am inclined to view this metaphor as more of a fat joke and less of an actual metaphor. If that is the case, everyone knows that "friendly elephant in the room"...moving on.
3. Eats like a bird
People have used this metaphor/simile wrong for ever. Birds consume so much stinkin' food (not literally "stinking", this is just to emphasize how the vast quantity of food they actually eat) every day. Most birds actually eat up to half of their body weight every day. So next time you see that skinny girl you want to hate on (but secretly want to look like), say that you wish she ate like a bird...cause using metaphors wrong is just stupid.
4. Swims like a fish
Fish can swim. Humans can walk. Cars break down...that's not the point. Swimming like a fish and not actually being a fish is indeed impressive, but is it accurate? Does your Michael Phelps-wanna-be friend on the swim team actually have gills? Well, can he breathe underwater? Until some things (like his anatomical structure) start changing, best be keeping your incorrect opinions to yourself. Let the fish do what they do best...judge your friend for swimming like a human.
5. Dead dog tired
This one just seems a kind of mean. You are actually as physically exhausted as your deceased canine? Scruffy? Trixy? Mr. Cuddles? Now you're just bringing up painful memories...
Have I proven my point yet? Need I go on? Trust me...I could. I am in no way hating on metaphors. I, personally, love metaphors and similes. In fact, I don't think we (as people, humans, and especially Americans) use them enough in everyday language. However, I encourage you to consider exactly what the metaphors you use are actually implying. It would be terribly rude to imagine yourself as a fly and, realistically, not be able to keep your thoughts inside your tiny fly head...thus resulting in you (as a fly) appearing to be having a seizure without any little fly medics around to save you. Appearing to suffer an inexplicably horrible fly death just doesn't seem worth the cost of using one little animal metaphor, so pay attention. "Great metaphors come with great responsibility". Try keeping that in mind while you regurgitate nifty metaphors for your friends' amusement. While not the enemy, abusing animal metaphors at any time can quickly become painful and unsurprisingly overrated.
As a relatively outspoken individual (and a female), there is no way that I could just stand back and watch if something exciting is taking place in the same room. I would buzz, annoy, dive-bomb, and be overall as distracting as I could be. That being said, why do we use animals so frequently to describe situations? Most of they time those metaphors don't accurately portray the situation. So, in the spirit of fun (and realism), let's ruin some other animal affiliated metaphors, shall we?
1. Who let the cat out of the bag?
I'm not sure why the answer to this question is necessarily a "bad thing". Animal lovers everywhere (and PETA...people eating tasty animals) would be ecstatic if someone let a cat out of a bag. So metaphorically speaking, if I ruin a surprise or spill a secret, shouldn't PETA be happy with me? I may lose my friends, but I get new animal obsessed ones...a win-win?
2. The elephant in the room
I am inclined to view this metaphor as more of a fat joke and less of an actual metaphor. If that is the case, everyone knows that "friendly elephant in the room"...moving on.
3. Eats like a bird
People have used this metaphor/simile wrong for ever. Birds consume so much stinkin' food (not literally "stinking", this is just to emphasize how the vast quantity of food they actually eat) every day. Most birds actually eat up to half of their body weight every day. So next time you see that skinny girl you want to hate on (but secretly want to look like), say that you wish she ate like a bird...cause using metaphors wrong is just stupid.
4. Swims like a fish
Fish can swim. Humans can walk. Cars break down...that's not the point. Swimming like a fish and not actually being a fish is indeed impressive, but is it accurate? Does your Michael Phelps-wanna-be friend on the swim team actually have gills? Well, can he breathe underwater? Until some things (like his anatomical structure) start changing, best be keeping your incorrect opinions to yourself. Let the fish do what they do best...judge your friend for swimming like a human.
5. Dead dog tired
This one just seems a kind of mean. You are actually as physically exhausted as your deceased canine? Scruffy? Trixy? Mr. Cuddles? Now you're just bringing up painful memories...
Have I proven my point yet? Need I go on? Trust me...I could. I am in no way hating on metaphors. I, personally, love metaphors and similes. In fact, I don't think we (as people, humans, and especially Americans) use them enough in everyday language. However, I encourage you to consider exactly what the metaphors you use are actually implying. It would be terribly rude to imagine yourself as a fly and, realistically, not be able to keep your thoughts inside your tiny fly head...thus resulting in you (as a fly) appearing to be having a seizure without any little fly medics around to save you. Appearing to suffer an inexplicably horrible fly death just doesn't seem worth the cost of using one little animal metaphor, so pay attention. "Great metaphors come with great responsibility". Try keeping that in mind while you regurgitate nifty metaphors for your friends' amusement. While not the enemy, abusing animal metaphors at any time can quickly become painful and unsurprisingly overrated.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Camp Etiquette
Summer is at full swing (and I'm not talking about that "fat kid about to break the swing set" kind of swinging...it's more of the "7 year old boy screaming like a Peregrine Falcon at the top of his lungs as soon as his swing reaches the full apex of it's ascent" kind of swinging). That being said, summer is supposed to be enjoyed. Enjoying summer looks different to everyone, but basically to me (and I'm sure millions of kids, parents, and poor college students out there) summer means camp. Kids see camp as a fun getaway and an opportunity to escape parental constraints while getting as much sugar and as little sleep as possible. Parents...let's just call a week of camp for them a "mini-vacation" of sorts. Poor college students (or just teenagers in general) see camp as a place to get away from their parents, earn a bit of money, and put school worries on-hold for a few months. Basically, it doesn't matter who you are...camp is just amazing. End of story.
That being said, working at a camp changes the way you see life. From personal I-work-at-camp-and-have-no-social-life-during-the-summer-but-love-my-job type of experience, I think some of the biggest changes I see in myself (and the other staff) throughout the summer are a result of what I like to refer to as "withdrawal from the real world". While it sounds a bit odd, let me explain it to you in simpler terms (cause of course not everyone has worked at a summer camp).
1. Personality is intensified
Compared to the rest of the world, camp is a relatively safe environment that offers protection from bullying, judgement, and pop culture (don't tell me it's never overwhelmed you before...). Once you have a group of (roughly 30) adolescents put in charge of children week in and week out, certain personality traits begin to emerge. Once many of these quirks and personalities crawl out of an individual...good luck getting them to go back from whence they came from. They're out to stay (at least for the duration of the summer). Such traits could range from goofy tendencies, zebra-inspired fits of laughter, obsessions with pyrotechnics, or even yelling out catch phrases at random hours of the day (for example, "Kool-Aid"). Yes traits and quirks are what make a person unique...but sometimes a person's personality screams at a "4" and camp cranks them up to an "8". Just like a box of chocolates Forest, you never know what you're going to get.
2. Lapse in hygiene
You've been at camp for 3 weeks now, and as the summer wears on your deodorant wears off (that is, if you're even still wearing any at this point). Ok, I know this sounds gross, but think about it. Depending on your job (counselor, cook, or handyman), you have a varied level of hygiene that you must maintain to keep your job. Those who work in the kitchen must stay clean and sanitized throughout the week (at least while on duty) or they will find themselves jobless and locked away in DHEC jail (don't know what that stands for...good. It ruins lives).
Maintenance has it easy. If you're a sweaty guy who works with other sweaty guys all day in the hot sun then I doubt you have much obligatory upkeep on personal smell and appearance. Counselors also have it pretty great. Aside from the initial day the kids are dumped, I mean delivered, to camp and rescued...retrieved, the parent's don't see/smell them. By the end of the week, most of the kids smell like BO and pee (at least the younger ones), so what better excuse to slack on hygiene? If your stench becomes unbearable, just blame it on one of your questionable looking kids. Let's just say by the end of if all, if I'm still taking 3 showers a week and brushing my teeth every night...it's been a good summer.
3. Walmart is the new Ritz
Ok, aside from all you Rednecks out there who really do think that Walmart is high class, this one sounds a bit odd. I know that Walmart can be a pretty fun place to play hide-and-go-seek, and you can usually find some pretty niffty things that you are convinced by the end of your trip that you desperately need...but it's no theme park. Well, after spending a month at camp, Walmart isn't just an adventure...it's an opportunity to escape and reemerge back into the "real world". Sure, you get dressed-up (shower, shave, jeans, clean shirt, and remove your life-guarding whistle), find some non-campy hot food to ingest, and then hit up the local Walmart. Hope you're ready for a wild night on the town, I hear they have a sale on kitchen-ware tonight.
4. Grade school humor
This one isn't too surprising. After spending 7-days-a-week hanging out with kids ranging from 6-13 (for the most part), you begin to think like them. This means that words like "poop" not only reemerge, but you also begin to think of "canoe duty" as "canoe doody"...at least that's how your mind spells it. So yes, you giggle at almost anything and your inner child rejoices daily.
5. Trying new things
This isn't a normal/boring sounding reference to tasting new foods. Instead, this means doing things you never thought you would ever imagine yourself considering doing because of normal humiliation concerns, let alone allowing others to watch you humiliate yourself. Such things might include getting a whip cream pie in the face, acting out a "roller coaster" while the crowd of giggling children and staff before you has been told that you are demonstrating the "proper way" to use a toilet, wearing ridiculous costumes, singing "Twinkle, Twinkle" solos, interpretive dancing with a crock-pot, rubbing your coworkers stomach whilst singing "Nummy, Nummy, Nummy", or arguing with your Spanish friend who likes turtles the most. And to think, this is only a handful of weekly occurrences...oh dear. Well, camp certainly isn't for the faint-hearted.
Aside from these (probably mildly disturbing) glimpses into camp oddities and the culture of it all, I would honestly say that I can't imagine what my life would have been like without these last 10 years of being apart of camp (from camper to staffer). I have met some of my best friends, expressed myself as only one can so freely at camp, grown deeper in love with Christ, been challenged in my Christian walk, and learned some crazy life skills (like how to wash a pooped-in sleeping bag and how to cook amazing food for hundreds of people in once sitting). I absolutely adore my camp (let's just refer to it as "Bethel Christian Camp") and the staff/campers you can find there on any day of the week ending in "day", such magical creatures revealing and thriving in their natural habitats. So, as usual, I'm wrapping this up by declaring that camps such as Bethel (and the things you experience there) are not in the greatest stretch of the imagination (nor ever will they be) considered overrated.
That being said, working at a camp changes the way you see life. From personal I-work-at-camp-and-have-no-social-life-during-the-summer-but-love-my-job type of experience, I think some of the biggest changes I see in myself (and the other staff) throughout the summer are a result of what I like to refer to as "withdrawal from the real world". While it sounds a bit odd, let me explain it to you in simpler terms (cause of course not everyone has worked at a summer camp).
1. Personality is intensified
Compared to the rest of the world, camp is a relatively safe environment that offers protection from bullying, judgement, and pop culture (don't tell me it's never overwhelmed you before...). Once you have a group of (roughly 30) adolescents put in charge of children week in and week out, certain personality traits begin to emerge. Once many of these quirks and personalities crawl out of an individual...good luck getting them to go back from whence they came from. They're out to stay (at least for the duration of the summer). Such traits could range from goofy tendencies, zebra-inspired fits of laughter, obsessions with pyrotechnics, or even yelling out catch phrases at random hours of the day (for example, "Kool-Aid"). Yes traits and quirks are what make a person unique...but sometimes a person's personality screams at a "4" and camp cranks them up to an "8". Just like a box of chocolates Forest, you never know what you're going to get.
2. Lapse in hygiene
You've been at camp for 3 weeks now, and as the summer wears on your deodorant wears off (that is, if you're even still wearing any at this point). Ok, I know this sounds gross, but think about it. Depending on your job (counselor, cook, or handyman), you have a varied level of hygiene that you must maintain to keep your job. Those who work in the kitchen must stay clean and sanitized throughout the week (at least while on duty) or they will find themselves jobless and locked away in DHEC jail (don't know what that stands for...good. It ruins lives).
Maintenance has it easy. If you're a sweaty guy who works with other sweaty guys all day in the hot sun then I doubt you have much obligatory upkeep on personal smell and appearance. Counselors also have it pretty great. Aside from the initial day the kids are dumped, I mean delivered, to camp and rescued...retrieved, the parent's don't see/smell them. By the end of the week, most of the kids smell like BO and pee (at least the younger ones), so what better excuse to slack on hygiene? If your stench becomes unbearable, just blame it on one of your questionable looking kids. Let's just say by the end of if all, if I'm still taking 3 showers a week and brushing my teeth every night...it's been a good summer.
3. Walmart is the new Ritz
Ok, aside from all you Rednecks out there who really do think that Walmart is high class, this one sounds a bit odd. I know that Walmart can be a pretty fun place to play hide-and-go-seek, and you can usually find some pretty niffty things that you are convinced by the end of your trip that you desperately need...but it's no theme park. Well, after spending a month at camp, Walmart isn't just an adventure...it's an opportunity to escape and reemerge back into the "real world". Sure, you get dressed-up (shower, shave, jeans, clean shirt, and remove your life-guarding whistle), find some non-campy hot food to ingest, and then hit up the local Walmart. Hope you're ready for a wild night on the town, I hear they have a sale on kitchen-ware tonight.
4. Grade school humor
This one isn't too surprising. After spending 7-days-a-week hanging out with kids ranging from 6-13 (for the most part), you begin to think like them. This means that words like "poop" not only reemerge, but you also begin to think of "canoe duty" as "canoe doody"...at least that's how your mind spells it. So yes, you giggle at almost anything and your inner child rejoices daily.
5. Trying new things
This isn't a normal/boring sounding reference to tasting new foods. Instead, this means doing things you never thought you would ever imagine yourself considering doing because of normal humiliation concerns, let alone allowing others to watch you humiliate yourself. Such things might include getting a whip cream pie in the face, acting out a "roller coaster" while the crowd of giggling children and staff before you has been told that you are demonstrating the "proper way" to use a toilet, wearing ridiculous costumes, singing "Twinkle, Twinkle" solos, interpretive dancing with a crock-pot, rubbing your coworkers stomach whilst singing "Nummy, Nummy, Nummy", or arguing with your Spanish friend who likes turtles the most. And to think, this is only a handful of weekly occurrences...oh dear. Well, camp certainly isn't for the faint-hearted.
Aside from these (probably mildly disturbing) glimpses into camp oddities and the culture of it all, I would honestly say that I can't imagine what my life would have been like without these last 10 years of being apart of camp (from camper to staffer). I have met some of my best friends, expressed myself as only one can so freely at camp, grown deeper in love with Christ, been challenged in my Christian walk, and learned some crazy life skills (like how to wash a pooped-in sleeping bag and how to cook amazing food for hundreds of people in once sitting). I absolutely adore my camp (let's just refer to it as "Bethel Christian Camp") and the staff/campers you can find there on any day of the week ending in "day", such magical creatures revealing and thriving in their natural habitats. So, as usual, I'm wrapping this up by declaring that camps such as Bethel (and the things you experience there) are not in the greatest stretch of the imagination (nor ever will they be) considered overrated.
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