As a single female, I was walking around AC Moore last week with some friends, and in the midst of the extremely scandalous things that were occurring on the coloring pencil aisle (super exciting stuff), I was struck by an interesting question: if I was on a date that was going seriously wrong, what would I do? Seriously, would I be able to handle it? How would I get out of it?
Now, for the purpose of this question, let's assume a few basic facts:
1. You don't know this person very well. Let's say you've been out between 1-4 times.
2. You went to a public setting (mall, restaurant, movie, department store...).
3. If you didn't drive separately, you have a friend you could call who would be willing to pull an "Enterprise" and pick yo' butt up. (On a totally unrelated note, I still get strangers calling me a few times a month wanting to rent-a-car..)
Ok, now that we've taken care of those small details, what do you do? Personally, my flight or fight reaction hasn't always been the best
navigator in my life, and like most people, I'm more confident in my
abilities to escape from a situation than confront it like an adult. Besides, it would be too easy and simple to merely say that you're not having a good time and want to go home. Communication is obviously too hard these days (one day I will write a book about this...), so how can anyone possibly escape a downward spiraling date? Well, if you don't care about your reputation, are feeling kind of gutsy, will never see this person again, and have nothing to lose...I can help you.
1. Cry uncontrollably
What makes you sad: unwanted puppies in a box, old people falling, failing a test, memories of your childhood? Well, think of something and ride that emotional roller coaster! Blame your emotional state on menstruation, your parents forgetting your birthday when you were twelve, or a random stranger who insulted your dog by simply glancing at you as he/she passed by. Get worked up verbally, and once the tears start to flow, this performance should look like the real deal. It's even better if you're wearing make-up, are an extremely loud/obnoxious crier, snot alot, or begin to hyperventilate when you get upset. Most men don't know how to handle a crying female, so ladies, this tactic could work in your favor and get you a one-way ticket back to being unattached. Trust me, he'll buy your performance...women are expected to be emotional.
2. Pitch a Fit
Here's your chance to channel your inner-child. Seriously, find an open space in a public setting (preferably a mall or department store) and be as melodramatic as possible. Throw yourself upon that scuffed-up tile and make the other shoppers in that store believe that you will physically explode if you can't have *fill in the blank with any frivolous item within reach.* Just like in the previous post, the louder you are, the better. Heck, if your face turns red then you are doing it right. In this case, he'll most likely think your behavior is so ridiculous that he will just leave without you...score.
3. Go to the Bathroom...like alot
So you find yourself at a restaurant and it's not going well. In fact, a one-way trip on the Titanic looks like more fun than your current situation. Maybe he's boring, eats like a wild hog, or smells...you want to escape? I don't blame you at all. Well, to give yourself small breaks from his delightful company until the date inevitably crumbles, excuse yourself to the little girls room...as much as possible. Start with an initial trip five minutes into the meal to "powder your nose" or whatever slang women use when they want to do mysterious things in the bathroom. After you return, wait ten more minutes and excuse yourself again to pee. Make sure your trips become more frequent, last longer, and that you walk more quickly towards the bathroom each time. After the fourth trip, don't even excuse yourself or apologize, just leave the table and don't don't say anything about these "episodes" when you get back. Eventually he'll assume you have diarrhea and (if he's a gentlemen) offer to take you home. (If this fails, just announce to the restaurant that you have diarrhea and run out in an awkward, penguin-esque fashion.)
4. Disguise Yourself
So there isn't a bathroom or an audience to use in your quest to escape this tragic date...well, dig around in your purse, and use the tools you have at your disposal to change your appearance. You don't have to pull out a fat suit, dye your hair, or change your entire outfit; you can rely on more subtle changes. If your hair is down, throw it up in a messy bun or sleek pony tail. If you brought make-up with you, you can add crazy eyeshadow, draw a facial tattoo on your forehead, or apply a bright shade of lipstick. If you're wearing a jacket, take that bad boy off and sling it around your shoulders, wrap it around your neck as a fashionable scarf, or tie it around your head like a bonnet. Wearing pants or a dress? You can alter the length of your outfit, turn it inside out, or even wear it backwards. You just want a noticeable change. This way, if you can't excuse yourself to the "bathroom" and slip out unnoticed and he notices you...he probably won't want to talk to you anymore.
5. Pass a Kidney Stone
Go ahead. Pass one...right there. Think "child birth," screams, moans, grunts and all. Wherever you are just stop and pass that stone.Trust me, he'll pass on that next date.
Ok, so I'm a single female giving advice on how to escape bad dates...that's fine. I'm still a credible source. Anyway, my lack of interaction with the opposite sex isn't the issue here; what's important is the amount of imagination and guts you can muster to save yourself from dreadful dates (in this case, I have an abundance of both). Think about it, the sooner you escape from these horrible dates, the sooner you can go on some awesome dates with the man of your dreams (not to mention you'll have some entertaining stories to tell your friends, family, and other potential suitors). Think of these episodes, not as failed adventures in your love-life but, as memories in the making. You're welcome. Besides, getting a little creative on a date now and then isn't overrated...it's awesome.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Window Shopping
As a female, one of the most delightful things I can possibly do is make jokes that objectify women (in fact, this is how I break up awkward silences, make new friends, and scare prudes). However, just because I enjoy poking fun at women does not mean that I can't enjoy objectifying strangers...and by "strangers," I mean men.
C'mon! As women, we have all taken notice of the beautiful specimens of the opposite gender that haunt our favorite watering holes, workplaces, and temples of academia. And as women, there is nothing wrong with visually admiring men and complementing them in our minds (or out loud if you're particularly brave). I like to think of it as window shopping; I'm available to make a purchase if I so desire, but I'm quite content (at the moment) to merely peruse the display racks and take notes of what I would want in a future purchase. Simply put, "checking out guys is like looking at a book shelf; I may admire it, but I'm not taking it home with me."
So, now that we've established, through my attempt to non-offensively objectify men in a metaphor about shopping in order to defend a woman's right to "ogle" over a man, that a cute guy is equivalent to a bookshelf...now what? Well, so glad you asked. From my vast wealth of life experience, I have decided to compile a list of principles, suggestions if you will, to keep in mind for when you're "shopping." And, the beauty of this list is that I'm fairly certain that both genders could learn a little something from it...
1. "look but don't touch"
This is a pretty simple rule. When you window shop, in real life...not the metaphor (stay with me), you expect to merely look at the merchandise...not buy it. Sure, you may have cash burning a hole in your pocket or have a credit card that's dying to get out more, but that wasn't your purpose. You came to look, and the only body part that should be actively doing anything should be your eyes. Anything else and you are in danger of being considered a creep, have mall security called on you, and let's not mention all the explaining you'll have to do...let's just avoid this hassle, shall we?
2. don't be unrealistic (aka, "girl quit playing")
Ok, feel free to drool over that olive-skinned just-stepped-out-of-a-Grecian-painting-chiseled-on-abs-oh-gosh-you-are-a-pretty man. However, know that your little moment of mental happiness is the closest to a relationship you'll ever have with this aesthetically-pleasing creature, other than the awkward eye-contact you are currently rocking. Girl, don't play with yourself. Save yourself the headache and mental anguish by just moving on and shopping in something more of your speed. Why don't you check over in the video game section or the face wash aisle?
3. know when to shop alone
Friends can make shopping trips "super fun" (please tell me you read that in a valley-girl voice...), and who doesn't love visually picking apart random guys with your "gal-pals" (oh, throw-back word). However, sometimes problems can arise when some of your friends realize that you continue to check out the same "bookshelf." So, on your next boy-gazing trip, (especially if you are revisiting a bookshelf you've had your eye on for awhile) if you think that your friends might attempt to persuade you to interact with the shelf or imagine your future with it ("oh, it doesn't matter if it's available or not, go ahead and pick out a nice spot for it in your house!"), maybe you should take a personal shopping trip and give your friends a rain check.
4. pursued not pursuer
Obviously I had females in mind with this rule. Ladies, you should not have to work your butts off to get guys to notice you. That is not your job. It's one thing to notice lovely members of the opposite gender, but if you feel like it's your God-given task in life to get "Mr. Hottie with the body" to pick-up what you're putting down...you've got another thing coming. Yes, women are "empowered" now (ra ra, go us). I know that this might be a bit old-fashioned, but if a guy is worth it, he will work to get you to notice him. End of story. Bottom line. Stop crying.
5. buyers rights (the power of the "final say" of the purchase)
You've eyed the shelf for awhile, read the reviews, your friends even agree that it's a pretty great investment, and you've decided that you can move on from checking out your shelf to investing in it. Good for you. It may be a bit scary, but just remember, as a buyer, you have the power at the cash register to say "no" if you're having doubts. If you're not completely sold on the idea, better leave that shelf in the store (if you know what I mean). Take some time, think about it, and when you're confident in your decision, check to see if it's still available. If it is, great...good luck with your new shelf. If it's not there anymore, than it wasn't worth waiting for and you deserve a better, more reliable shelf.
6. the "return policy" is NOT the end of the world
So you made the wrong purchase, no biggie. Seriously, calm down brosephus (*bro-see-phis). The beauty of "buying bookshelves" is that you aren't married to one just because you've decided to move it into your office and house your entire Jane Austen collection on it. There are other shelves out there. Just take your purchase back acknowledging that it was a mistake and move on. It might take awhile to get over your shelf (maybe you grew attached to it or it started to look really good in your living room), but you will move on. You're not the first buyer to have doubts or regrets about her purchase..and you won't be the last.
Now, obviously, these principles aren't an exact science. Exceptions will come along and life will happen. The important thing to keep in mind when you window shop, however, is that you need to set some guidelines (even if they're loose, only verbally acknowledged, or are comprised of a series of secret hand gestures between your friends). Remember, every shelf deserves love, and there isn't a reason why you too can't own your own bookshelf one day. If you are seriously in the market, then these are important things to consider. It's not impossible, and certainly not overrated, to shop responsibly.
C'mon! As women, we have all taken notice of the beautiful specimens of the opposite gender that haunt our favorite watering holes, workplaces, and temples of academia. And as women, there is nothing wrong with visually admiring men and complementing them in our minds (or out loud if you're particularly brave). I like to think of it as window shopping; I'm available to make a purchase if I so desire, but I'm quite content (at the moment) to merely peruse the display racks and take notes of what I would want in a future purchase. Simply put, "checking out guys is like looking at a book shelf; I may admire it, but I'm not taking it home with me."
So, now that we've established, through my attempt to non-offensively objectify men in a metaphor about shopping in order to defend a woman's right to "ogle" over a man, that a cute guy is equivalent to a bookshelf...now what? Well, so glad you asked. From my vast wealth of life experience, I have decided to compile a list of principles, suggestions if you will, to keep in mind for when you're "shopping." And, the beauty of this list is that I'm fairly certain that both genders could learn a little something from it...
1. "look but don't touch"
This is a pretty simple rule. When you window shop, in real life...not the metaphor (stay with me), you expect to merely look at the merchandise...not buy it. Sure, you may have cash burning a hole in your pocket or have a credit card that's dying to get out more, but that wasn't your purpose. You came to look, and the only body part that should be actively doing anything should be your eyes. Anything else and you are in danger of being considered a creep, have mall security called on you, and let's not mention all the explaining you'll have to do...let's just avoid this hassle, shall we?
2. don't be unrealistic (aka, "girl quit playing")
Ok, feel free to drool over that olive-skinned just-stepped-out-of-a-Grecian-painting-chiseled-on-abs-oh-gosh-you-are-a-pretty man. However, know that your little moment of mental happiness is the closest to a relationship you'll ever have with this aesthetically-pleasing creature, other than the awkward eye-contact you are currently rocking. Girl, don't play with yourself. Save yourself the headache and mental anguish by just moving on and shopping in something more of your speed. Why don't you check over in the video game section or the face wash aisle?
3. know when to shop alone
Friends can make shopping trips "super fun" (please tell me you read that in a valley-girl voice...), and who doesn't love visually picking apart random guys with your "gal-pals" (oh, throw-back word). However, sometimes problems can arise when some of your friends realize that you continue to check out the same "bookshelf." So, on your next boy-gazing trip, (especially if you are revisiting a bookshelf you've had your eye on for awhile) if you think that your friends might attempt to persuade you to interact with the shelf or imagine your future with it ("oh, it doesn't matter if it's available or not, go ahead and pick out a nice spot for it in your house!"), maybe you should take a personal shopping trip and give your friends a rain check.
4. pursued not pursuer
Obviously I had females in mind with this rule. Ladies, you should not have to work your butts off to get guys to notice you. That is not your job. It's one thing to notice lovely members of the opposite gender, but if you feel like it's your God-given task in life to get "Mr. Hottie with the body" to pick-up what you're putting down...you've got another thing coming. Yes, women are "empowered" now (ra ra, go us). I know that this might be a bit old-fashioned, but if a guy is worth it, he will work to get you to notice him. End of story. Bottom line. Stop crying.
5. buyers rights (the power of the "final say" of the purchase)
You've eyed the shelf for awhile, read the reviews, your friends even agree that it's a pretty great investment, and you've decided that you can move on from checking out your shelf to investing in it. Good for you. It may be a bit scary, but just remember, as a buyer, you have the power at the cash register to say "no" if you're having doubts. If you're not completely sold on the idea, better leave that shelf in the store (if you know what I mean). Take some time, think about it, and when you're confident in your decision, check to see if it's still available. If it is, great...good luck with your new shelf. If it's not there anymore, than it wasn't worth waiting for and you deserve a better, more reliable shelf.
6. the "return policy" is NOT the end of the world
So you made the wrong purchase, no biggie. Seriously, calm down brosephus (*bro-see-phis). The beauty of "buying bookshelves" is that you aren't married to one just because you've decided to move it into your office and house your entire Jane Austen collection on it. There are other shelves out there. Just take your purchase back acknowledging that it was a mistake and move on. It might take awhile to get over your shelf (maybe you grew attached to it or it started to look really good in your living room), but you will move on. You're not the first buyer to have doubts or regrets about her purchase..and you won't be the last.
Now, obviously, these principles aren't an exact science. Exceptions will come along and life will happen. The important thing to keep in mind when you window shop, however, is that you need to set some guidelines (even if they're loose, only verbally acknowledged, or are comprised of a series of secret hand gestures between your friends). Remember, every shelf deserves love, and there isn't a reason why you too can't own your own bookshelf one day. If you are seriously in the market, then these are important things to consider. It's not impossible, and certainly not overrated, to shop responsibly.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
A Cup of Joe, Steve, or Jack
Coffee, like oxygen, plays a vital role in the lives of many individuals. I say "many" because you will find those confused individuals who believe that this rich beverage doesn't serve a valuable purpose on Earth (that's like saying that we don't REALLY need oxygen...). Well, they're wrong. Coffee is a splendorous and magical drink that has socially brought people together for years. And, one of the beautiful things about coffee is the various forms and recipes that it can be found it. This is why the lines at Starbucks can take forever to navigate through; when you have a drink that is so versatile (as coffee is), people who drink it know what they like and want a specific combination of coffee, cream, sugar, artificial flavors, foam, whip cream, steam, milk, syrup...need I continue?
Coffee is such a magical and practical thing/beverage/cup-of-delight that it can be used to describe other things, say men. Now, just like every woman has her ideals for the perfect "cup of joe," she also has (hopefully) specifications and standards for her man (named Joe, Steve, Jack, or what have you). Now, this metaphor, like all man-made metaphors (trying saying that five times fast), is imperfect and has it's limitations...but that doesn't mean it can't be entertaining. I mean, think about all the specifications for coffee/men; imagine the possibilities. Your coffee choices can say a lot about the man you want.
1. Body Type
Tall - so you like little guys...no shame
Grande - a medium-man
Venti - or large for you non-coffe drinkers...
Full - filled out nicely?
Skinny - uh...plenty of shrimp in the sea?
Thick - "lumberjacks wanted"
Hot - let's hope so
Warm - so you can't handle a hot man...we're not judging
Strong - who doesn't want one of these?
2. Complexion/Ethnicity
Dark - tall dark and...well, you know
Mocha - it just sounds so...nice
Light - vague, but nice
French - who doesn't?
Carmel - what a pretty color...
White - white mocha...I'm not being racist
3. Personality/ Life Style
Rich -that would be nice
"Americano" -heh heh...funny
Whipped -whether it starts out that way or not...
Sweet -awww, yes.
Cold -whatever floats your boat?
Mellow -so chill man, so chill (and yes...this is an actual coffee term, look it up)
Organic -hippies need love too
Now, I'm a proud coffee drinker who is currently using a solo cup (hey, it's a pretty nifty and AWESOME solo cup), and there is nothing wrong with that. But, that doesn't keep me from appreciating the various cups of "Joe" out there (or from using this insanely entertaining metaphor). It could be that my standards are just too ridiculous. But, who wouldn't want someone tall, rich, and in a jar? (Please laugh...this is a joke. I'm not a serial killer. Just don't look in my trunk...) To each her own, and, as the various forms of coffee (and men) has taught us females, having different tastes and preferences is only natural. Taking the time to figure out exactly what we want, in java and man forms, will never be overrated. It would be a shame to hastily grab a cup and realize that the contents are appalling, unappetizing, or cause us to break out in hives.
Coffee is such a magical and practical thing/beverage/cup-of-delight that it can be used to describe other things, say men. Now, just like every woman has her ideals for the perfect "cup of joe," she also has (hopefully) specifications and standards for her man (named Joe, Steve, Jack, or what have you). Now, this metaphor, like all man-made metaphors (trying saying that five times fast), is imperfect and has it's limitations...but that doesn't mean it can't be entertaining. I mean, think about all the specifications for coffee/men; imagine the possibilities. Your coffee choices can say a lot about the man you want.
1. Body Type
Tall - so you like little guys...no shame
Grande - a medium-man
Venti - or large for you non-coffe drinkers...
Full - filled out nicely?
Skinny - uh...plenty of shrimp in the sea?
Thick - "lumberjacks wanted"
Hot - let's hope so
Warm - so you can't handle a hot man...we're not judging
Strong - who doesn't want one of these?
2. Complexion/Ethnicity
Dark - tall dark and...well, you know
Mocha - it just sounds so...nice
Light - vague, but nice
French - who doesn't?
Carmel - what a pretty color...
White - white mocha...I'm not being racist
3. Personality/ Life Style
Rich -that would be nice
"Americano" -heh heh...funny
Whipped -whether it starts out that way or not...
Sweet -awww, yes.
Cold -whatever floats your boat?
Mellow -so chill man, so chill (and yes...this is an actual coffee term, look it up)
Organic -hippies need love too
Now, I'm a proud coffee drinker who is currently using a solo cup (hey, it's a pretty nifty and AWESOME solo cup), and there is nothing wrong with that. But, that doesn't keep me from appreciating the various cups of "Joe" out there (or from using this insanely entertaining metaphor). It could be that my standards are just too ridiculous. But, who wouldn't want someone tall, rich, and in a jar? (Please laugh...this is a joke. I'm not a serial killer. Just don't look in my trunk...) To each her own, and, as the various forms of coffee (and men) has taught us females, having different tastes and preferences is only natural. Taking the time to figure out exactly what we want, in java and man forms, will never be overrated. It would be a shame to hastily grab a cup and realize that the contents are appalling, unappetizing, or cause us to break out in hives.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Another One Bites the Suds
After being woken up this morning by the most irritating, yet cute, alarm clock ever (2 dogs...I'm not married yet) this morning, my female wiring kicked in and began to run laundry. (Insert feminist comment...wanna hear a joke? Women's rights...) Anyway, I'm cycling laundry (don't worry fellah's...I'll try to use simple terms) and I take all of the dry laundry out of the dryer (machine with no water) and place them on the dining room table (the thing where you eat...just kidding, that's the sofa). As I begin to fold them (make them pretty), lo and behold, I find what I've been missing ALL MY LIFE: my chapstick.
That's right folks, another poor tube of chapstick has bitten the dust, gone before it's time was up, expired and eloped into an early grave, took the bath of his life, past the point of no return (this one's serious; have you ever tried to return laundered goods? I can't imagine it would be easy...). What makes it even more horrifying is when I discovered him nestled between a pair of shorts and a towel. His little body was so light, and when I took off the cap...he was hollow, empty of that life-saving chappy-stickiness. I nearly wept with sympathy for the little guy...or a piece of lint may have flown up into my eye.
Such is the plight, life, and end of many an item that tragically gets forgotten in a piece of dirty laundry and takes the sudsy plunge. In a moment of grief, let's take the time to reflect on (and appreciate) the various trinkets, tools, and toys that took the one-way ticket to their sudsy graves.
1. Cell Phones/Ipods
This is probably the most upsetting/expensive type of item that has accidentally been drowned in said machine. Usually this is an accident when the owner of electronic device throws a pair of pants or a jacket in the wash unaware or the tragedy about to occur. Once in a blue moon, this is the fault of many individuals...but I mean, c'mon. How likely is it that a phone was left on top of a washing machine and your friends place their laundry on top of your phone (on top of the washer)...and the rest is history? Not very likely? That's what I thought...just get a bag of rice. I hear that works in most/half/some/once in a blue moon. Oh well...should have gotten a cheaper phone/mp3 player.
2. Paper Money/Wallets
I feel that this is more often the case for men, who do not have purses and do not actually (in 9 out of 10 cases...there are exceptions to every rule) wash the clothes. Hopefully, you have a vigilant wife/child/girlfriend/mom who will catch and fix this grievous error that you made. (This also takes into account the missing money that you encounter after said "washing" process...let's just say children...women in general who are forced to do the laundry are opportunists...you do the math.) However, while a washer could lose your coins, it doesn't always destroy your paper money. Sometimes it just cleans it...depends on how weak your money is. Obviously, foreign currency fairs worse in this process cause ain't nothing stronger than some of that Ah-Mur-i-can money. It may be depreciated in value, but it can take a spin cycle and...and...not yeah, I got nothing.
3. Gum
This is just sad, and sometimes ruins your favorite _________ (fill-in-the-blank with the article of clothing of your choice). I mean, gum? Not only do you NOT get to chew it and freshen your breath/look like a gangsta (yeah Double Bubble...you know what I'm talkin' 'bout), but it gets stuck...and stays with you FOREVER. Ok, maybe not "FOREVER," but an annoyingly long time. Gosh, talk about one chewable adhesive that overstays it's welcome...
4. Chap Stick
Nope, too soon...
5. Notes
I know we've all been there. Whether it's notes for class, a note you got passed in class, or the instructions for your Walkman when they were cool (don't know what a Walkman is? Get out), one of the worst things EVER is to take the clothes out of the dryer and find a clump of white paper. At this point clump is too generous of a term...it's more like a horribly disfigured paper-mache rock. You can't read it, or even open it, so it just taunts you. If only you'd caught it before it went in the dryer, it might have stood a chance...you monster.
6. Candy
Kind of like gum, let's just say you only wanted half of a candy bar. What to do with the rest...well, if you're a 5 year old boy (or a guy in general...sorry to hate guys, but the women-folk are stuck with the laundering duties...I gotta vent) you stick that candy back in your pocket. Let's just say that your mom is not observant at all, has no thumbs, preoccupied, Helen Keller, or the boy stuck his pants in the washer himself...he's about to lose his treat and get a brand new pair of seemingly "soiled" pants to wear. Oh yeah man, chicks dig the brown.
7. Pens
The only thing worse than your pen leaking into your shirt/pants at work...is to release one into the wild Maytag and discover that this writing utensil left you a "present" on everything unlucky enough to be in there with it. I guess this unfortunate result could become a game of sorts: spot the ink stain, Rorschach therapy to-go...the possibilities are endless.
You'll be happy to know that I sent little "Chappy" off in style; he had the funeral of a true champion. Yeah...I sighed regretfully as I tossed him (gently) into the freshly cleaned (another side-effect of my womanly genes) blue trashcan (symbolizing my intense grief) in the kitchen (the woman's "Mecca"). Yes, it was traumatic. Yes, it might just happen again. However, this is one of those times where you learn a valuable lesson: it is never overrated to buy your chap stick in bulk.
That's right folks, another poor tube of chapstick has bitten the dust, gone before it's time was up, expired and eloped into an early grave, took the bath of his life, past the point of no return (this one's serious; have you ever tried to return laundered goods? I can't imagine it would be easy...). What makes it even more horrifying is when I discovered him nestled between a pair of shorts and a towel. His little body was so light, and when I took off the cap...he was hollow, empty of that life-saving chappy-stickiness. I nearly wept with sympathy for the little guy...or a piece of lint may have flown up into my eye.
Such is the plight, life, and end of many an item that tragically gets forgotten in a piece of dirty laundry and takes the sudsy plunge. In a moment of grief, let's take the time to reflect on (and appreciate) the various trinkets, tools, and toys that took the one-way ticket to their sudsy graves.
1. Cell Phones/Ipods
This is probably the most upsetting/expensive type of item that has accidentally been drowned in said machine. Usually this is an accident when the owner of electronic device throws a pair of pants or a jacket in the wash unaware or the tragedy about to occur. Once in a blue moon, this is the fault of many individuals...but I mean, c'mon. How likely is it that a phone was left on top of a washing machine and your friends place their laundry on top of your phone (on top of the washer)...and the rest is history? Not very likely? That's what I thought...just get a bag of rice. I hear that works in most/half/some/once in a blue moon. Oh well...should have gotten a cheaper phone/mp3 player.
2. Paper Money/Wallets
I feel that this is more often the case for men, who do not have purses and do not actually (in 9 out of 10 cases...there are exceptions to every rule) wash the clothes. Hopefully, you have a vigilant wife/child/girlfriend/mom who will catch and fix this grievous error that you made. (This also takes into account the missing money that you encounter after said "washing" process...let's just say children...women in general who are forced to do the laundry are opportunists...you do the math.) However, while a washer could lose your coins, it doesn't always destroy your paper money. Sometimes it just cleans it...depends on how weak your money is. Obviously, foreign currency fairs worse in this process cause ain't nothing stronger than some of that Ah-Mur-i-can money. It may be depreciated in value, but it can take a spin cycle and...and...not yeah, I got nothing.
3. Gum
This is just sad, and sometimes ruins your favorite _________ (fill-in-the-blank with the article of clothing of your choice). I mean, gum? Not only do you NOT get to chew it and freshen your breath/look like a gangsta (yeah Double Bubble...you know what I'm talkin' 'bout), but it gets stuck...and stays with you FOREVER. Ok, maybe not "FOREVER," but an annoyingly long time. Gosh, talk about one chewable adhesive that overstays it's welcome...
4. Chap Stick
Nope, too soon...
5. Notes
I know we've all been there. Whether it's notes for class, a note you got passed in class, or the instructions for your Walkman when they were cool (don't know what a Walkman is? Get out), one of the worst things EVER is to take the clothes out of the dryer and find a clump of white paper. At this point clump is too generous of a term...it's more like a horribly disfigured paper-mache rock. You can't read it, or even open it, so it just taunts you. If only you'd caught it before it went in the dryer, it might have stood a chance...you monster.
6. Candy
Kind of like gum, let's just say you only wanted half of a candy bar. What to do with the rest...well, if you're a 5 year old boy (or a guy in general...sorry to hate guys, but the women-folk are stuck with the laundering duties...I gotta vent) you stick that candy back in your pocket. Let's just say that your mom is not observant at all, has no thumbs, preoccupied, Helen Keller, or the boy stuck his pants in the washer himself...he's about to lose his treat and get a brand new pair of seemingly "soiled" pants to wear. Oh yeah man, chicks dig the brown.
7. Pens
The only thing worse than your pen leaking into your shirt/pants at work...is to release one into the wild Maytag and discover that this writing utensil left you a "present" on everything unlucky enough to be in there with it. I guess this unfortunate result could become a game of sorts: spot the ink stain, Rorschach therapy to-go...the possibilities are endless.
You'll be happy to know that I sent little "Chappy" off in style; he had the funeral of a true champion. Yeah...I sighed regretfully as I tossed him (gently) into the freshly cleaned (another side-effect of my womanly genes) blue trashcan (symbolizing my intense grief) in the kitchen (the woman's "Mecca"). Yes, it was traumatic. Yes, it might just happen again. However, this is one of those times where you learn a valuable lesson: it is never overrated to buy your chap stick in bulk.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Daddy Issues
I, like most young adults, find Disney movies quite fun to watch. Who doesn't love hanging out with a group of friends and singing along to some Disney classics?
This is not to say that all these movies are:
A. accurate regarding the fairy tale/story they allege to represent
B. entirely child-appropriate
C. realistic in portraying healthy relationships between family members/couples
BUT, what can I say....these movies will certainly entertain the pants right off you (ok...probably not the best metaphorical choice to describe a series of child movies). Watching just about any Walt Disney flick is sure to entertain a roomful of children (or college students) for approximately 45 minutes to 2 hours (and some change).
There are a variety of movies to choose from, however, they are all quite formulaic: love, adventure, turmoil, parental problems, villain, fight, happily ever-after. Adorable. However, if you pay even the slightest amount of attention to just about any Disney movie, you will notice that one of the most common components you'll see is the (ever so predictable) "daddy issues" one (or more) of the characters will have. I'm not even kidding...daddy issues. Who'd have thought? Pretty original, right?
I mean, there are only a handful of problems that be filmed, so why come up with anything new? Too much work...duh.
Anyway, to prove my unquestionable point, let's do a brief recap, shall we, of the various daddy issues you'll see (brought to you specially by by Mr. Walt Disney himself).
1. Dead daddy
Ok, I can kind of (no, not relate...my dad's alive and kicking) understand why this daddy issue could screw up a character's life so much. I mean, look at the evidence:
Simba - blames himself for his father's death, runs away, and lives with two bug-eating shut-ins
Cinderella - no daddy love...becomes obedient pacifist, victimized by horrible step-relatives
Alice - she's just weird...her dad's death only promoted her trippy imagination
Snow White - father's death leaves protagonist defenseless to cruel treatment by psycho step-mom
Tarzan - c'mon...both parents die and, as a result he becomes a complete animal...pun intended
Tianna - all work and no play makes her dull...seriously, is that all she remembers about her dad?
2. Deadbeat daddy
Again, I cannot relate, but when a Disney character's dad is out of the picture...well, let's just say there are gonna be some issues...
Hercules - Zeus? Really? Oh yeah, wait until the kid is old enough to realize he's different before coming out of the "heavenly closet"
Dumbo - We NEVER see his dad...he had to inherit those freakishly large ears from one parent (you think he would have been around to support his ostracized kid)
Quasimodo - lives in a bell-tower, hideously deformed...obviously it's cause he didn't have a good father-figure in his life (Frollo...yeah right)
Andy - plays with toys that are alive, too stupid to ever figure it out...if only his dad had been there
Bambi - mother dies, he's scarred for life (emotionally), and his dad is the mysterious buck in the background...that's good parenting.
3. "Dumb" daddy
Not to say that all of these characters are right, or that they all think that their own fathers are dumb, but sometimes they sure act like they think their fathers have the IQ of a pickle (not to insult pickles).
Pocahontas - Disobeys racist father for love...both are wrong, but what happened to obeying one's parents? She could have married Kocoum and had quite little Indian babies...oh well.
Ariel - Disobeys father for love/adventure...obviously he has no idea what he's talking about. Oh, what's that? He couldn't hear you over the sound of himself being turned into a sea-weed like slave of an evil sea witch...selfish, soulless red-headed devil girl.
Belle - Father was actually dumb (I mean, you don't take another man's chair...)
Jasmine - Father was actually dumb, but that doesn't mean you have to run off with the first lying hobo-thief who saves you from being carted off to prison (who knew that you actually needed money to buy stuff...)
Mulan - Thinks father is dumb...obviously he should have been put into a home cause he was practically ancient. Ain't no way daddy's going to war...I know! Let's cross-dress instead...
Wendy - Let's face it...everyone hates Mr. Darling...jealous of a dog? C'mon...maybe she wouldn't have flown away if someone hadn't stated the obvious (that's right, you grow up Wendy...)
Yeah, Disney is original. They are SO original that daddy issues run rampant in many of their films. Now, I will admit, there is some variety to the daddy problems (I mean, they do present 3 entirely distinct ideas...). But, aside from the sarcasm and critique, I don't think these flaws in parental character portrayals should prevent one (young or old) from enjoying the magical experience that is "the Disney movie." In fact, you should go watch one right now. Do it, I'm serious. Go on, what are you still doing here? Just because it's predictable, doesn't mean old (dead) Walt's life work should be considered overrated.
This is not to say that all these movies are:
A. accurate regarding the fairy tale/story they allege to represent
B. entirely child-appropriate
C. realistic in portraying healthy relationships between family members/couples
BUT, what can I say....these movies will certainly entertain the pants right off you (ok...probably not the best metaphorical choice to describe a series of child movies). Watching just about any Walt Disney flick is sure to entertain a roomful of children (or college students) for approximately 45 minutes to 2 hours (and some change).
There are a variety of movies to choose from, however, they are all quite formulaic: love, adventure, turmoil, parental problems, villain, fight, happily ever-after. Adorable. However, if you pay even the slightest amount of attention to just about any Disney movie, you will notice that one of the most common components you'll see is the (ever so predictable) "daddy issues" one (or more) of the characters will have. I'm not even kidding...daddy issues. Who'd have thought? Pretty original, right?
I mean, there are only a handful of problems that be filmed, so why come up with anything new? Too much work...duh.
Anyway, to prove my unquestionable point, let's do a brief recap, shall we, of the various daddy issues you'll see (brought to you specially by by Mr. Walt Disney himself).
1. Dead daddy
Ok, I can kind of (no, not relate...my dad's alive and kicking) understand why this daddy issue could screw up a character's life so much. I mean, look at the evidence:
Simba - blames himself for his father's death, runs away, and lives with two bug-eating shut-ins
Cinderella - no daddy love...becomes obedient pacifist, victimized by horrible step-relatives
Alice - she's just weird...her dad's death only promoted her trippy imagination
Snow White - father's death leaves protagonist defenseless to cruel treatment by psycho step-mom
Tarzan - c'mon...both parents die and, as a result he becomes a complete animal...pun intended
Tianna - all work and no play makes her dull...seriously, is that all she remembers about her dad?
2. Deadbeat daddy
Again, I cannot relate, but when a Disney character's dad is out of the picture...well, let's just say there are gonna be some issues...
Hercules - Zeus? Really? Oh yeah, wait until the kid is old enough to realize he's different before coming out of the "heavenly closet"
Dumbo - We NEVER see his dad...he had to inherit those freakishly large ears from one parent (you think he would have been around to support his ostracized kid)
Quasimodo - lives in a bell-tower, hideously deformed...obviously it's cause he didn't have a good father-figure in his life (Frollo...yeah right)
Andy - plays with toys that are alive, too stupid to ever figure it out...if only his dad had been there
Bambi - mother dies, he's scarred for life (emotionally), and his dad is the mysterious buck in the background...that's good parenting.
3. "Dumb" daddy
Not to say that all of these characters are right, or that they all think that their own fathers are dumb, but sometimes they sure act like they think their fathers have the IQ of a pickle (not to insult pickles).
Pocahontas - Disobeys racist father for love...both are wrong, but what happened to obeying one's parents? She could have married Kocoum and had quite little Indian babies...oh well.
Ariel - Disobeys father for love/adventure...obviously he has no idea what he's talking about. Oh, what's that? He couldn't hear you over the sound of himself being turned into a sea-weed like slave of an evil sea witch...selfish, soulless red-headed devil girl.
Belle - Father was actually dumb (I mean, you don't take another man's chair...)
Jasmine - Father was actually dumb, but that doesn't mean you have to run off with the first lying hobo-thief who saves you from being carted off to prison (who knew that you actually needed money to buy stuff...)
Mulan - Thinks father is dumb...obviously he should have been put into a home cause he was practically ancient. Ain't no way daddy's going to war...I know! Let's cross-dress instead...
Wendy - Let's face it...everyone hates Mr. Darling...jealous of a dog? C'mon...maybe she wouldn't have flown away if someone hadn't stated the obvious (that's right, you grow up Wendy...)
Yeah, Disney is original. They are SO original that daddy issues run rampant in many of their films. Now, I will admit, there is some variety to the daddy problems (I mean, they do present 3 entirely distinct ideas...). But, aside from the sarcasm and critique, I don't think these flaws in parental character portrayals should prevent one (young or old) from enjoying the magical experience that is "the Disney movie." In fact, you should go watch one right now. Do it, I'm serious. Go on, what are you still doing here? Just because it's predictable, doesn't mean old (dead) Walt's life work should be considered overrated.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
The Golden Years
So I'm standing in Goodwill the other day...oh, wait. This sounds like the introduction to a cute little story or a funny (and slightly offensive) joke. Well, that's not entirely the point of this antecedent. Anyway...I was standing in Goodwill perusing the racks of gently used items, and lo and behold I heard a wail. Not just any wail, the wail of am inconsolable infant who was shrieking for attention while their parent was otherwise occupied. Let me specify...by "infant," I mean a child between the ages of 3 and 4, and by "parent" who "was otherwise occupied," I mean their mom was too busy looking at random junk to actually be attending her child. Oh, I guess she was occasionally yelling at said child in the store. Does that count as good parenting? Maybe contemporary parenting...
Anyway, so while I was exposed to this loud and obtrusive display of improper child-rearing, I received an epiphany: I'm at a great age, a golden age in fact. In one's early twenties, there are so many opportunities that aren't always taken advantage of. I have less responsibility (it's like I'm an adult, but I'm not), I'm unattached (it's a temporary condition, like dandruff), and if I wanted chicken nuggets at 3am...let's just say Sarrah's gettin' her some nuggets. Does this come as a shock? Uneducated are we? Wait, let me put on my shocked face...there it is. "Please Sarrah, tell me about the plethora of possibilities that I can, as a 20-something year-old, enjoy the benefits of. Well, I'm so glad you asked. Sit back and pay attention cause we're going back to school (and yes, this will be on the test).
1. Less responsibility
I don't have chores at college. I don't have to file taxes (at least...I don't think I do...I'm pretty poor). My dad takes care of that stuff anyway. I don't have a family of my own (so no house cleaning, cooking, or all that nonsense). And, I am SO thankful that I don't have kids. I mean, It's not that I dislike kids. In fact, if you know me at all, you know that I absolutely love babies and I find children quite appealing until they get old enough to start arguing with you (there's a limited window available for this love). But as a free-loading 20-something, I don't have to worry about all that adult stuff...not yet.
2. Being Young
Some call this "inexperience," I think of it as being in my prime. If were were all produce, the sprightly 20-somethings would be fresher and more appealing to shoppers. I'm not terribly old yet, I'm only 1/5th of the way dead. If 50 year old's have one foot in the grave (not to be insensitive...there is a mathematical formula behind this reasoning) then the big toe on my right foot is casually playing in the loose soil at the bottom of my grave. You know, nothing serious. It's just chillin' there, doing what big toes do in dirt.
4. Making Dumb Decisions
This goes along with number 2. As a young person, a 20-something year-old is not held to the same standard of decision-making as older adults. They do not have the same amount (or type) of life experience for practical application in their young lives. Now, this doesn't mean that dumb choices don't have their consequences, BUT being young, dumb choices have a certain charm to them...a certain expectation is held for young adults. We are supposed to screw up at multiple points in our youth. We wouldn't want to disappoint our elders...
3. Elasticity
Okay...we're not "indestructible," but one of the amazing things of youth is that we're pretty bendable. You know, we "go with the flow." Now, this isn't the case for every event in our young lives, but it's like what I said earlier. If we want to get/have/eat/enjoy/do/see something at an unseemly hour of the day or night, our young bodies/mentalities allow us to more easily drop what we're doing and go forth to secure the item/thing we wanted. Sure we might get less sleep, but as young people, our bodies are more forgiving (did I also mention less joint pain?).
Huh...only 4 benefits of youth. Go figure. Well, I suppose that being in your 20's is full of plenty more benefits and opportunities, but being in my youth (and time is precious), I don't have nearly enough time to list them all. By the time I finished that list, I would be in my 50's...and then I'd be half-way dead. And then I would have to deal with adult responsibilities, I wouldn't be young, and my elasticity would have worn out (like a stretched-out rubber band...or a basset hound's face). Anyway, I'm not saying that growing up is overrated...we all have to do it sometime. But, not taking advantage of the benefits of youth, now that's overrated.
Anyway, so while I was exposed to this loud and obtrusive display of improper child-rearing, I received an epiphany: I'm at a great age, a golden age in fact. In one's early twenties, there are so many opportunities that aren't always taken advantage of. I have less responsibility (it's like I'm an adult, but I'm not), I'm unattached (it's a temporary condition, like dandruff), and if I wanted chicken nuggets at 3am...let's just say Sarrah's gettin' her some nuggets. Does this come as a shock? Uneducated are we? Wait, let me put on my shocked face...there it is. "Please Sarrah, tell me about the plethora of possibilities that I can, as a 20-something year-old, enjoy the benefits of. Well, I'm so glad you asked. Sit back and pay attention cause we're going back to school (and yes, this will be on the test).
1. Less responsibility
I don't have chores at college. I don't have to file taxes (at least...I don't think I do...I'm pretty poor). My dad takes care of that stuff anyway. I don't have a family of my own (so no house cleaning, cooking, or all that nonsense). And, I am SO thankful that I don't have kids. I mean, It's not that I dislike kids. In fact, if you know me at all, you know that I absolutely love babies and I find children quite appealing until they get old enough to start arguing with you (there's a limited window available for this love). But as a free-loading 20-something, I don't have to worry about all that adult stuff...not yet.
2. Being Young
Some call this "inexperience," I think of it as being in my prime. If were were all produce, the sprightly 20-somethings would be fresher and more appealing to shoppers. I'm not terribly old yet, I'm only 1/5th of the way dead. If 50 year old's have one foot in the grave (not to be insensitive...there is a mathematical formula behind this reasoning) then the big toe on my right foot is casually playing in the loose soil at the bottom of my grave. You know, nothing serious. It's just chillin' there, doing what big toes do in dirt.
4. Making Dumb Decisions
This goes along with number 2. As a young person, a 20-something year-old is not held to the same standard of decision-making as older adults. They do not have the same amount (or type) of life experience for practical application in their young lives. Now, this doesn't mean that dumb choices don't have their consequences, BUT being young, dumb choices have a certain charm to them...a certain expectation is held for young adults. We are supposed to screw up at multiple points in our youth. We wouldn't want to disappoint our elders...
3. Elasticity
Okay...we're not "indestructible," but one of the amazing things of youth is that we're pretty bendable. You know, we "go with the flow." Now, this isn't the case for every event in our young lives, but it's like what I said earlier. If we want to get/have/eat/enjoy/do/see something at an unseemly hour of the day or night, our young bodies/mentalities allow us to more easily drop what we're doing and go forth to secure the item/thing we wanted. Sure we might get less sleep, but as young people, our bodies are more forgiving (did I also mention less joint pain?).
Huh...only 4 benefits of youth. Go figure. Well, I suppose that being in your 20's is full of plenty more benefits and opportunities, but being in my youth (and time is precious), I don't have nearly enough time to list them all. By the time I finished that list, I would be in my 50's...and then I'd be half-way dead. And then I would have to deal with adult responsibilities, I wouldn't be young, and my elasticity would have worn out (like a stretched-out rubber band...or a basset hound's face). Anyway, I'm not saying that growing up is overrated...we all have to do it sometime. But, not taking advantage of the benefits of youth, now that's overrated.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Can't Buy Me Love
It's that time of year again...boyfriends flood the nearest Wal-Mart in the vain attempts (especially if they waited this late) to snatch up a fluffy, overpriced teddy bear holding a heart between it's paws. Or, if they consider themselves especially romantic, they might be looking for a "non-conformist" stuff animal, candy, flowers, or a Hallmark card. I mean, we all know that nothing says "I love you" like one of the millions of mass-produced stuffed dogs sold on Valentine's Day. Whoops...I guess now you know what today is. I was trying to let you down easy.
It's not like I have anything against this commercialized expression of love. If that's how you show someone you care for them one day per year, that's your prerogative. Don't let me spoil it for you. I just find this holiday a little too "cut and dry" for my taste.
Seriously, think about it; if you are dating someone, modern society practically dictates what you do (aka....try to be romantic so you can tell your friends that you are still in a relationship come February 15th). If you aren't dating (you poor socially-awkward lepers), obviously you have a couple options of your own. So...for your (and especially my own) entertainment and education, I've made today a bit clearer for you. Here are all of the pigeon-holes created by Valentine's Day. Say you don't belong to one...I dare you.
1. "The Newlyweds"
Maybe you just started dating and this is your first Consumerism's Day...Valentine's Day together. Or, maybe you've been dating for awhile (or GASP! married...), and you two love birds just love love (the idea, physical manifestation of, being in debt, or each other). Then obviously, this is your holiday. So, go out and spend your monthly salaries to make each other happy. We won't judge you. There's at least a quarter of the population who are (or claim to be) just like you (why do you think so many babies are born in November?).
2. "The Little Rascal"
In an effort to avoid sexism, I named this individual after the popular television show most of you are too young to remember watching. I wanted to call this one "The Man Hater"...but I realized that some men hate women, some women hate kittens, and some kittens hate men (so obviously I would try to pick a title that was a bit more "non-descriptive"). This individual, for they are exactly that...alone, are completely content with being alone at Valentine's Day. While they might not "hate" (that's a really strong word) the opposite gender, they haven't yet found "the one" and spend Valentine's Day in one of three ways:
4. "The Heart Breaker"
Because there are those people who despise such a holiday, this individual is the .3% of the population who view this "day of romance" as the perfect opportunity to ditch their significant other. Sure, it's a bit harsh...but it's an expensive world (especially around Valentine's Day).
5. "The Old Couple"
Maybe they are madly in love and as crazy about each other as two kids (let's pretend that this description is simply ironic and does not come with an assigned age range...) can be. That doesn't mean that they celebrate Valentine's Day. This couple, whether they learned this from their parents, over time, or it just hit them one day out of the blue (still not sure what that idiom means...), don't celebrate Valentine's Day by choice. They recognize the day for what it truly is, a celebration of consumerism, and they refuse to be a part of it; this couple doesn't need one day a year to tell each other with material items how they feel about their relationship. They show each other every day. I'm not gonna lie...while they may be a little hard to find, these are my favorite people.
Okay, so maybe that was not as "cut and dry" as I claimed it was going to be. Why don't you go out and buy some heart-shaped candies and flowers to comfort yourself. I mean, if you're single that is. If not, than go ahead you Cheap-a-saurus Rex! Go buy some love for your sweetie (are kids still using this word nowadays? Maybe I should say beau or boo-thang'). Anyway, the whole point of this wasn't to say that I'm bitter or cynical towards love (even though those are two completely plausible conclusions that you may have found yourself at upon reading this informative and completely unbiased public service announcement). I love love; it's not the idea behind it that I'm so infatuated with, but the genuine, wordless love that you see expressed between families, friends, (and most importantly and visually) God to us. Maybe that's the true idea of love that we should be celebrating. The love of the Father who gave His beloved son for us. Now THAT ladies and gents is not overrated in the slightest.
It's not like I have anything against this commercialized expression of love. If that's how you show someone you care for them one day per year, that's your prerogative. Don't let me spoil it for you. I just find this holiday a little too "cut and dry" for my taste.
Seriously, think about it; if you are dating someone, modern society practically dictates what you do (aka....try to be romantic so you can tell your friends that you are still in a relationship come February 15th). If you aren't dating (you poor socially-awkward lepers), obviously you have a couple options of your own. So...for your (and especially my own) entertainment and education, I've made today a bit clearer for you. Here are all of the pigeon-holes created by Valentine's Day. Say you don't belong to one...I dare you.
1. "The Newlyweds"
Maybe you just started dating and this is your first Consumerism's Day...Valentine's Day together. Or, maybe you've been dating for awhile (or GASP! married...), and you two love birds just love love (the idea, physical manifestation of, being in debt, or each other). Then obviously, this is your holiday. So, go out and spend your monthly salaries to make each other happy. We won't judge you. There's at least a quarter of the population who are (or claim to be) just like you (why do you think so many babies are born in November?).
2. "The Little Rascal"
In an effort to avoid sexism, I named this individual after the popular television show most of you are too young to remember watching. I wanted to call this one "The Man Hater"...but I realized that some men hate women, some women hate kittens, and some kittens hate men (so obviously I would try to pick a title that was a bit more "non-descriptive"). This individual, for they are exactly that...alone, are completely content with being alone at Valentine's Day. While they might not "hate" (that's a really strong word) the opposite gender, they haven't yet found "the one" and spend Valentine's Day in one of three ways:
I. Moping ("Woe is Me! I'm Single!")
II. Celebrating ("Whoo hoo! I'm Free!")
III. In a state of Apathy ("That's today? I didn't even notice.")
IIII. Romancing Alone ("Of course this candy is for me...")
3. "The Opportunist"
This person may/may not be in a loving relationship, but they see Valentine's Day as a commercial gain. Whether they are the single individual who has always wanted a heart-shaped pillow and see a good pre-Valentine's Day deal on one or they have a wicked sweet-tooth and take advantage of the clearance post-Valentine's Day sale on heart-shaped candy. They see something they want at an alleged "low price", and by golly they take it.
4. "The Heart Breaker"
Because there are those people who despise such a holiday, this individual is the .3% of the population who view this "day of romance" as the perfect opportunity to ditch their significant other. Sure, it's a bit harsh...but it's an expensive world (especially around Valentine's Day).
5. "The Old Couple"
Maybe they are madly in love and as crazy about each other as two kids (let's pretend that this description is simply ironic and does not come with an assigned age range...) can be. That doesn't mean that they celebrate Valentine's Day. This couple, whether they learned this from their parents, over time, or it just hit them one day out of the blue (still not sure what that idiom means...), don't celebrate Valentine's Day by choice. They recognize the day for what it truly is, a celebration of consumerism, and they refuse to be a part of it; this couple doesn't need one day a year to tell each other with material items how they feel about their relationship. They show each other every day. I'm not gonna lie...while they may be a little hard to find, these are my favorite people.
Okay, so maybe that was not as "cut and dry" as I claimed it was going to be. Why don't you go out and buy some heart-shaped candies and flowers to comfort yourself. I mean, if you're single that is. If not, than go ahead you Cheap-a-saurus Rex! Go buy some love for your sweetie (are kids still using this word nowadays? Maybe I should say beau or boo-thang'). Anyway, the whole point of this wasn't to say that I'm bitter or cynical towards love (even though those are two completely plausible conclusions that you may have found yourself at upon reading this informative and completely unbiased public service announcement). I love love; it's not the idea behind it that I'm so infatuated with, but the genuine, wordless love that you see expressed between families, friends, (and most importantly and visually) God to us. Maybe that's the true idea of love that we should be celebrating. The love of the Father who gave His beloved son for us. Now THAT ladies and gents is not overrated in the slightest.
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